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If someone tells you this? (Long)

I had a friend we were really close at 19 both of us live apart of our families, I think she did better than I did, she has her own house, no kids good job, single but she seems to start to sabotage herself she has been dating almost all the time married guys, she has started to tell me that she does not eat and when she does sometimes she vomits. I ask her to get help because that to me sounds like an eating disorder she says she just wants to loose weight so she can date better guys and also she read from a stupid book called wasted and she email me part of that book quote "This is one of the terribly banal truths of eating disorders: when a woman is thin in this culture, she proves her worth, in a way that no great accomplishment, no stellar career, nothing at all can match. We believe she has done what centuries of collective unconscious insist that no woman can do; control herself. A woman who can control herself is almost as good as a man. A thin woman can Have It All" She said that when we were young I was always look at by the guys because I was very skinny and she wants to know what that feels like (I was thin but not bones and skin I was strong because I used to swim and train in rescue and worked as EMT) She is not what anyone would call fat (155 lb 5 '5) now she says she will be happy when she looked the way I used to look (she thinks i was 95lbs, false at that time was 115 but im shorter than her 5'2). What rebuttal can I offer against what she quoted me that can make her understand that what she is doing is wrong? I am so far away I don't know if there is anything I can say to change her mind.


Asked by gou18 at 12:03 AM on Jan. 17, 2011 in Health

Level 16 (3,101 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • just simply be her friend. Offer advice only when she asks for it. Hang in there and try not to compare. She has to go through what she needs and the best you can do is be her friend.


    Answer by rosetoes at 12:57 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Well... first of all, you might like to tell her you've done a survey and men who like women like curves. They like womanliness, not bone racks who look 8.

    Pedophiles like bone racks who look 8. Obviously.

    You're right, there is little you can do to change her mind... although you could make a point of refusing to discuss her weight, anyone else's weight or her eating habits because they're boring and don't do justice to her value as a human being.

    You may also like to point out that 300 years ago, 'thin' was not considered to be beautiful or wealthy or 'controlled' by anyone. It was considered impoverished, emaciated, ugly and haggard. By many, it still is. So much for the 'centuries of collective unconscious' b.s. --first you have to be totally ignorant of history...

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:10 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • You can't fix her. She definitely has an eating disorder and body dysmorphia and all kinds of issues associated with this. I have never dated a married guy, and I've spent most of my adult life above 200 lbs. I met DH when I weighed 230. Weight has NOTHING to do with meeting a nice guy. I'm guessing you already know this. The only thing you could do to get her help is stage an intervention with the people in her life, and stick to your bottom lines. This is literally a life and death disease, and she won't get better without help. The sad part is that in our society, thin is equated with healthy, and for many people, their self-worth is tied to that number on the scale. Health has nothing to do with it; it's just about being thin, regardless of the consequences.
    Good luck!!

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:15 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I too would remind her men like curves, not bone. If loosing weight is truly her goal then a gym with a balanced diet and hard work is where she needs to be. Vomiting will only make her teeth rot, give her bad breath, and cause her body to look meek and sickly. I'm more of a blunt person, so if this were me I'd be very honest with my friend in the correct way to diet, and then let her know quite frankly I had no desire to hear of her harming herself and her body. If she wants to discuss with me local gyms or diet plans that may or may not work that would be fine with me, since everyone can usually aim to be just a bit healthier. But I'd let her know that I had no desire to discuss further her reckless behavior, because I loved her too much to sit and listen to her destroy herself.

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 12:23 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Sounds like her issues run deeper than her eating disorder; she obviously has tied up her self-worth in what others think of her. She will never be happy living her life like that. Seems to me therapy would be in order but she would have to recognize the need for it; no one can make her go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 AM on Jan. 17, 2011