In regards to adoption discussions within Cafemom (only Cafemom as I have not encountered this elsewhere) I have seen/heard more than my fair share of *mostly* birth mothers saying that an adoptive mother is jealous of the birth mother because of the "special bond" the child has with her or the fact that she didn't give birth to the child or whatever other reason that involves the child. I realize I do not speak for all, but as an adoptive mother I do not understand why this is said, or even thought, as I am not at all, in any way, jealous of what they may/may not have/have had with their birth mother that they may/may not have with me.
Through the years I've just figured it was the birth mother speaking out of jealousy toward the adoptive mother. I have had no other way to rationalize it because, again, *I* have never felt jealousy toward them so I could not understand where they be getting such a thing?
Asked by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Jan. 17, 2011 in Adoption
Bond? I say they will always be connected. I think it is really a very broad statement or thought that all adoptees feel this special pulling connection to their birth parent. I think so many factors are involved. My hope is that one day he will find his family of origin - that could be his siblings, his birth mother, her sisters and brothers. I would like him to have the opportunity to decide for himself what type of relationship and connection they have. That is between them. I do my best to raise him with an open heart and mind so he will be ready to meet them on his own terms. Relationships are what you make them. My son and I have a "special" relationship but only time will tell. Perhaps he will one day reject me. I can't control that. And I can control my thoughts and feelings about his birth mother. The only overwhelming feeling is concern that she will be appropriate with him while he is young.
Answer by frogdawg at 9:57 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
I can honestly say I am not jealous of my son's birth mother. I am more greatful really to have good mental health, to have had educational opportunities, to have a wonderful partner and stable relationship, family and friends who remain supportive, a career that allows me to earn money for my family, a home to return to, a car that runs.....all the things that contribute to the over all well being of my family and myself. In contrast, my son's birth mother never had those opportunities. Simply by being born into the circumstances of her family she didn't have access to resources and educational opportunities that I did. I didn't grow up wealthy (or even really solidly middle class) but I still did have some advantages that opened doors. It concerns me that when my son does meet his family of origin he will feel out of place and uncomfortable. I hope they are not uncomfortable with him.
Answer by frogdawg at 9:42 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by ceejay1 at 1:45 PM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by onethentwins at 3:30 PM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by Southernroots at 9:22 PM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by ceallaigh at 11:47 AM on Jan. 18, 2011
Answer by Missikat75 at 10:58 PM on Jan. 25, 2011
Answer by 2ndtimewish at 5:42 PM on Jan. 26, 2011
Answer by HomeAlone45 at 5:55 PM on Mar. 2, 2011
Answer by metalhealthmom at 6:05 PM on Mar. 2, 2011
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