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Do you have to invite everyone from the class??

My daughter is in Kindergarten, 1/2 day. We're planning her birthday party. She wants to invite 12 out of 20 of the kids in her class... if I send the invites home is this a problem? First of all, its expensive! So I hate to invite those she doesn't want there anyway, we can't afford it, but is it wrong??

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Asked by gramsmom at 9:35 AM on Jan. 17, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 22 (13,423 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Yes, it is very wrong. And it can be hurtful and cause problems for your child.
    If you are using the school to invite, than you should have to invite all. Our policy is the whole class or only the same sex. You cannot just not include some.
    If it is a money problem, do a less expensive party so they all can be included.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:40 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • If you send the invites to school it's rude not to invite the whole class and many schools won't allow it. The only time I would allow kids to pass out invites that weren't for the whole class was if it was an all girls or all boys sleep over. Otherwise, feelings will be hurt. If you don't want to invite the whole class, wait outside and give the invites to the moms, but don't send them to the classroom.


    Answer by scout_mom at 9:40 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • The school that my kids went to did not allow you to send home private party invites from the school. Talk to the teacher about this policy. You may have to get info to contact the parents outside of school.

    Answer by pennycandy at 9:41 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • You could try asking the teacher to secretly put the invites in the bookbags of the children she's inviting. There will probably be discussion afterward about the party, but if you tell your dau to tell anyone feeling left out, that there was a limit on how many she could have -then maybe feelings wont be hurt. (Can you just invite all the girls?) Are you sending a snack to school? Something that makes everyone feel a part of the celebration? Have fun! :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:42 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • If the invites are dsitributed at school they need to go to everyone in the class, or at least every girl in the class if it will be a girls only party. If you want to selectively invite then you need to find a different way to distribute the invitations.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 9:43 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • The way I see it is that I invite my friends, and people who I enjoy being around to my parties, and the same would go for my kids.
    As long as the invites aren't being given out at the school, that is. Don't want to hurt the feelings of the 8 remaining children in the class. Personally, I'd mail the invites to their home, or hand deliver to the parents, especially at that age.

    Answer by SpaceToast at 9:44 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Yes, either invite all the girls or all the boys, or all the class. This was a big problem for us, as we were in the same situation, m son wanted a few from class, but we couldn't not invite the whole class, yet our house was way too small to hold everyone. He ended up having a small party with some other friends instead.

    What I would suggest is that even if you invite the whole class, there are kids that won't attend, one, because they aren't really that close with your child and, two, because there's always one or two kids who have other plans, et cetera. So it might work out anyway if you do decide to invite the whole class.

    You're really teaching your child a lifelong lesson as well about being considerate of others.

    Good luck.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:47 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I would not send the invites to school, I would mail them to their home. The day of her birthday I will send in a special snack to celebrate with all at school. Ugh...I guess I have to rethink this.

    Comment by gramsmom (original poster) at 9:54 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • It's really not right, the kids are going to come to school talking about the party and other kids are going to ask their parents why your kid doesnt like them and one best friend may get invited but their other best friend wont and it will cause tension in the class. I think either have her invite JUST her best friend or invite everyone. This is a good time for a lesson about being fair to others.

    Answer by gottalovemal at 10:12 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • In a larger class I don't see the issue of hurt feelings. It happens. I have play dates for my son arranged. I certainly don't call every parent of each child in my son's class. I call only a few parents and have play dates with just some kids. The kids who my son plays the most with or the kids of parents I know. It isn't mean. I don't expect my son to be invited to every play date or event. And kids exercise power and control with parties, "I'm not going to invite you to my party!" It is a learning opportunity. In the small school my son attends it would be hurtful to have everyone but you be invited. But it is a small private school with many social school functions vs. a public school and not as much interaction between all the parents and their children.  I like inviting the entire class (and will in public too)


    Answer by frogdawg at 11:22 AM on Jan. 17, 2011

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