this morning started out like all mornings. i alone got up, fed the kids, got them dressed, cleaned the kitchen, etc while my husband slept in. nothing wrong with that i suppose, im used to doing it all by myself.
anyway, my 2 year old was feeding herself a yogurt. she just turned 2 in december, and cant properly hold her spoon. she points the bottom of the spoon downward, with the mouth of the spoon pointing to her and the back of the spoon facing outward. typically with more liquidy foods like applesauce, it would slide off. with yogurt though, the consistency is thick and it doesn't slide off. she's only 2, she's learning. i stepped outside for a moment, and my husband was badgering her on how to hold it right. his tone scares her and then she gives up, she sits there and stares out into space instead of listening to him on how to do it right. then, he gets upset and puts her in her room.
i told him she's only 2, she's a freakin kid. she's not going to learn with the way he approaches it. he makes her feel bad and scares her. when i found her in her room she was just laying on the floor face down sobbing. he left for work without saying a word.
about a week ago, he came forth and told me he has an anger problem, more so directed to the kids than me. he's actually pretty good to me and patient. but he lacks patience with the kids, and they are so young, our oldest is 4. and i can sense she senses a problem, because if he's upset with her she gets so self-conscious about it. she asks over and over again for me not to tell daddy if she's done something wrong, or if he does know she is so worried about him being mad or "disappointed" in her. this is the behavior of a child who is emotionally abused.
so after he left, i told him he needs to stay with his mom til he gets help. his counseling doesn't begin til february 24th, and i cannot keep living like this. picking up the shattered pieces and trying to keep the kids quiet when he's sleeping or comes home from work in a foul mood. but now that i said that i feel an emptiness, like i was wrong. im sure he feels that i am giving up on him. but i fear that he's going to do psychological damage to the kids if he continues to live here or doesn't learn patience. he just expects way too much out of a 4, 2, and 1 year old. i realize parenting can be difficult for everyone at times but this is a DAILY thing. i would rather him be emotionally abusive to me than the children, that would be so much easier to handle. am i wrong for asking him to leave til he gets help?
the problem according to him is unresolved ptsd issues from his 15 month term overseas in 2007-2008. i am happy he's admitted he has a problem and wants to get help, but i cant wait that long for things to get bettter. our children are the ones paying the price. i dont know what to do :-(
Answer by gumby11883 at 10:22 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by SpaceToast at 10:46 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by fiatpax at 10:22 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by cara124 at 10:30 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
That is probably because I make sure they can do these things or else they usually spend the day in time out. He doesn't sound out of line at all.
How exactly are you going to FORCE them to hold a utensil correctly? And spending the day in timeout? That is abuse, there is nothing that a TWO YEAR old can do that would warrant "a day in timeout." My 23 m/o is progressing on her own without being forceful and she can talk clearly, potty trained, comes when she is called and cleans up after herself. Do I expect this out of her no but, she is in a happy, healthy environment and does it on her own. If you would really treat a 2 y/o like you said, you have extreme issues.
Answer by matthewscandi at 11:00 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by hootie826 at 11:01 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by lillymom828 at 10:47 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by ARast at 10:57 AM on Jan. 17, 2011
Answer by matthewscandi at 11:13 AM on Jan. 17, 2011