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3 Bumps

What would you do?

So, my mom is retired. My father passed away 1.5 years ago, so it's just her. I was hoping she would get to enjoy her retirement, but my younger brother seems bent on not allowing her to.
He is very irresponsible. He has 5 kids and a wife who is good for NOTHING. She won't learn how to drive because she is scared of it. My brother has to work, so it is up to my mom to take her everwhere she needs to go. They don't help the kids with schoolwork, so my mom does it. They won't pay their bills.
My mom was visiting me right after Christmas. My brother didn't pay his electric bill, which had amounted to $1000, and git the electricity cut off. So he just went and moved into my mom's house with the wife and all the kids.
The kids were destroying the house, so my mom promptly paid the whole bill to get their electricity restored and get them out of the house.
My mom is living off her government pension, which is not much. She has had to take out loans to help my brothers out in various situations. I feel like kicking my younger brother's butt!
Of course, when I express my opinion to my mom, she asks me to just let her be, because she cannot just let starve or live on the street or live in the dark. "For my peace of mine, just let me do it"
I know my mom has been trying to figure out how to cut it out, but every time she tries, a new tragedy strikes.
What would you do?

 
Dalimonster

Asked by Dalimonster at 3:43 PM on Jan. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,795 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would definitely confront my brother about it.... And his wife, if need be... Your mother can't deal w/ the guilt of letting her child/ grandchildren go without, so they need to be responsible and take that stress off of her. That is just cruel...
    TIFFANYT1432

    Answer by TIFFANYT1432 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I would have a private word with my brother and then mind my own business after that.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 3:44 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • there isn't much you can do sadly.. I am sure its frustrating to watch though.. Any chance you can talk to your brother about what THEY are doing to her?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:44 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Nothing you can do. Your mom is an adult and she is making her choices.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 3:44 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Me personally..

    I would let my mother handle her business however she saw fit. Whether I agree with how/what she's doing doesn't matter. It's not my life, my money, my headaches to deal with. If my mother is actively making the choice to put up with that type of nonsense, then what is there for me to say or do. I would also, if I had already expressed my misgivings of the situation openly before, quit telling her what all is wrong with the situation. if I had already voiced my feelings once, she would know how I felt, I would not need to repeat my feelings. If/When my mother finally was sick of it, or was ready for it to end, she'd come to me and say so. If she needed or wanted help, she would ask for it. So, the ball would be in my mom's court and when she was ready for me to come into the game, she would call me into it.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:47 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I would drop it. I have a couple of siblings who are the same way and I have expressed my concerns but in the end it's their child, their life, their choices if they want to continue to help and enable then that's what they want to do and it's not my right to continue to butt in. I will occasionally mention how I still don't like it but other then that there is nothing I can do.
    Gnomeofmyheart

    Answer by Gnomeofmyheart at 3:46 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • clearly the two of them are feeding off of each other and are meeting needs that each other has.
    whether you agree with it or not, whether it is healthy or not.
    you're going to have to stay our of the situation as long as your momma aint asking for help. MYOB until momma specifically comes to you for help.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 3:46 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Your mom will have nothing left for herself. My bil did this to mil and now mil is with us! I hate it. The worst part is mil knew exactly what was happening and insisted on continuing. Now she has said out loud that all her problems mostly financial are my hubbies respsonsibilty to fix. And he has to find her a place to live and buy it for her! There has to be a way to get your brother to stand on his own, as for his wife wow! They have children and she needs to be taking care of them not grandma!
    Noosa

    Answer by Noosa at 3:49 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • You can't do anything. Only your mom can make the decision.
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 3:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • i would talk to your brother and tell him he is putting atoll on your mom and it needs to stop
    tammy372011

    Answer by tammy372011 at 3:58 PM on Jan. 17, 2011