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My son is 3 and he is supposed to meet his biological father for the first time at the end of the month.

Ok since child support contacted him he has been calling me to try and get me to cancle it and let him send me $50 dollars a month for my son. I don't want to do that because he owes my son so much because he left me when I was 2 months pregnant because I told him i'm not having an abortion. So I am cofused on if I should let my son meet him my family is telling me I shouldn't because he doesn't deserve to and he really don't even act like he wants to he just wants me to get a paper noterized saying that he only has to pay $50 bucks. I feel like i'm just going to tell him to leave me alone and pay the childsupport. He lives in North Carolina and I live in Mississippi so its not like i'm going to see him alot anyway. But he has 4 other kids over than my son by 4 other women and he does not take care of any of them so that should tell you something about that sorry piece of S**t. Sorry ladies he just makes me so mad how he can do that to women and ever worse his own kids. What should I do?

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jessesmama22

Asked by jessesmama22 at 4:46 PM on Jan. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 18 (5,311 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Unless the law says he has to see him... I wouldnt. Why let scum (sorry but what you described is scum) meeet your son?

    As for $50 is that a joke???? What the hell good is $50 a month... that is nothing. That would maybe buy him his milk for the month.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • You can't legally tell him to go away but pay you child support. All he has to do is petition the court for visitation then you're going to HAVE to let him see his son. No what he has done isn't right, but two wrongs don't make it right either. Despite his negative actions your son deserves to know his paternal side of the family and that is a LEGAL right.

    You should do legally what you have to. You should grant him supervised visitation. Don't drop everything when he calls and asks for it, but give him a few weeks notice and do one visit. Don't schedule it for now. Let him come once and then let him contact you again for another visit.

    The worst thing you can do on yourself is to try and block the visitation. Period point blank he has rights to see your son. Okay, so maybe custody isn't established through the court yet but would you really like to go down that path? I didn't think so.

    Just give him the visitation. GL!!!
    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 4:50 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • i couldn't let someone like this meet my son who is also 3 - if he hasn't wanted a relationship ever and still - then NO, I wouldn't let my son have that heartache in his life. Sorry, you should let this sucker just pay and not answer his contacts and make sure the courts give you no contact custody ( I think that's what My sister called it - who has a similar situation )
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:50 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • If he takes it to court then for a few months (as long as he is consistently visiting) he will probably get supervised visitation at first. Then after a couple of months when the bond between father and son gets stronger, they're going to give him unsupervised visitation and overnights.

    Yes child support and custody are two entirely different matters, but he always has the option to take visitation and custody to court.

    I wouldn't drop the child support under any circumstance. But I'd grant him the visitation if he requests it.

    GL
    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 4:53 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I would say go thru it all with the courts....if he really wants to be in your son's life then he should go thru the courts for visitation...and definitely don't sign anything agreeing to let him only pay 50 a month! Let the courts handle the child support amount as well.
    Good luck!
    logansmama

    Answer by logansmama at 4:53 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • in my state, visitation and child support do NOT go hand in hand. the bio father does have rights to see the child, but ONLY at the mother's convenience if she is custodial parent and until he takes her to court for otherwise.

    now that being said.. the bio-father wanted to see my daughter last year and she was 3 also. i let him and it was such a mistake. he blurted out he was her father and confused the hell out of her. and to make it worse, he disappeared again and she hasn't seen or heard from him since. luckily i am married to the man that raised her from a baby so she has a father figure to fall back on. she has long forgotten about the POS but it was a rough couple of weeks after he broke the news.

    i guess just tread carefully here.. unless your child already knows this is his father then i would wait on telling and make sure bio-dad is on board.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:55 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • and do not sign anything he gives you regarding child support. let the courts handle that. hes trying to weasle his way out of paying
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I would make the court order visitation before I would allow visitation. And then make HIM come to YOU.
    MamaWolf1981

    Answer by MamaWolf1981 at 5:37 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I left my husband when I was 2 months pregnant. I divorced him and refused to ask him for a dime. I just wanted him to go away. When my son was 3, my husband called to say that he missed his son and wanted to see him. Nope. First of all, you can't miss someone you've never met. Then he called again when my son was around 5 or 6 saying that he was dying and wanted to see him. Nope again. My son is now 23, and his father was able to get in touch with him about 2 years ago. They still haven't met, but they have talked on the phone several times. I've always told my son growing up that when he felt he was ready to meet his father, I'd help him find him, but he never was interested. Just for the record, my ex was abusive, which is why I left when I found out I was pregnant. I felt it was better to raise him alone that in that kind of environment.
    So, I say use your own judgment letting your son see his father.
    VanBurren

    Answer by VanBurren at 8:52 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Thank you all for your advice but honestly on him seeing him he lives like 14 hours away and he has not called me one time to check on him he has called me 4 times in the past month and they were all about have you cancled child support yet. All he really wants is to not have to pay anything or even have to see him.
    jessesmama22

    Comment by jessesmama22 (original poster) at 9:46 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

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