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MIA Bio father

My DD's bio father (I call him a donor) and I split up when I was pregnant. He didn't see me or ask about the baby for most of my pregnancy. He only contacted me after my dd was born because his mom told him too. (his mom called me and found that I had my dd- his mom and I have been on good terms and in contact ever since). The "DONOR" said he wanted to come see my dd and then made a huge fuss about bringing his gf (HELL NO!) and then never showed up. I got a txt from him 4 months later saying don't be mad I didn't have a phone. Never heard from him since (DD is now 16months). I don't ever want him to see her. He has not shown any interest really in her since before she was born. (he also did weed and had some issues- lives off the government). Would I be wrong to not allow him to see her if he contacts us again? I have a great guy now and there is a great probability of him addopting my dd (There is no way we are breaking up- mutual). I feel that if her "DONOR" wanted to be around then he should have been from the beginning. My current SO has been almost from the beginning for my dd. I never listed the "DONOR" on the BC. And I don't want my dd or myself to go through the drama I know the "DONOR" would bring. What do you ladies think?

Answer Question
 
MamaWolf1981

Asked by MamaWolf1981 at 6:04 PM on Jan. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,511 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I say keep him away. He's not showing any interest and isn't being a real father.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:07 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I also say keep him away. What's the point of him seeing her?
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 6:08 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Coming from a person who doesn't know there bio ''father'', I would say don't keep him from not having any contact with his dd. Although he may not deserve to have her in his life, she deserves to have and know who her father is. My kids' father is a POS, but I can't keep them from him, that is there dad. I just think you should atleast let him see her, you never know, maybe after seeing that sweet little baby he could change...not likely, but u never know...I wish you and dd all the best, goodluck!
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 6:10 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • oh, and if you do decide to let him see her, i say HELL NO on the gf part as well lol! MOST DEF. NOT! !!!!!!! and supervised! i would not let him see her without you being there!
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 6:11 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I have been in this situation as the child. My biological father left when I was a baby. He did not make any effort to contact me and I never cared. I always had a father figure...my mom got remarried when I was 4 and he adopted me too. I believe all children need a father figure (this is coming from a mother who is raising my son a lot alone because of my husband being in the military) and if they have someone to look up to, I think they are a lot better off and don't feel the need to have to know their sperm donor. You have to be prepared that your child may or may not have interest in getting to know their biological father and if you have that state of mind, I think you will be safe in either decision.
    CassiRae3

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 6:14 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • My opinion probably won't be the popular one here but , oh well. You may not want her to have contact with him but as she gets older she deserves to know him. As far as him not being on the birth certificate, doesn't really matter. He can petition for a paternity test at any time. If your s/o wants to adopt her the bio father will have to sign off his parental rights. Now on the subject of the girlfriend... if he establishes a visitation with her why shouldn't his girlfriend be able to spend time with her as well?? Your boyfriend does. What makes that ok if you're not willing to let the bio father's s/o get to know his child?
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 7:39 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I understand some saying that he should still be able to see my dd because is the bio father. My response is sperm does not make a REAL father. It just means someones body was physcially able to produce. Showing no interest and being a dead beat, not paying child support. And having the "issues" that this "DONOR" has... no I don't think so. But I do value other opinions and am thankful for them. I can see situations on both sides.
    As for the bio father having to sign off on rights... That is not needed IF my daughter would ever be adopted. When it listed who my dd's bio father was I listed unknown. So there will be no problem come arise IF she is to ever be adopted and get a REAL father/dad.
    The girlfriend thing is that he wouldn't come to see my dd (the one time he was interested) without her present. SHE talked to me and told me that since she has a son that my dd would make THEIR family a perfect family. My DD not hers!
    MamaWolf1981

    Comment by MamaWolf1981 (original poster) at 7:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

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