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4 Bumps

I am doing research on Mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships.

I'd appreciate any comments you could give about the difference between your MIL and your mother. How would you describe your relationship with your MIL and why? Also, if you could change the relationship, what would you want to change most? What is missing in this relationship? What can you attribute it to? How could you improve it? Thanks so much!

 
LindaLA

Asked by LindaLA at 6:55 PM on Jan. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (15 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Let's see my so called mother was just a carry for me. All she did was give birth to me nothing else. She was never there for me and was an alcoholic abusive slut. Taught me it was okay to have sex when I was only 10. Threw me out at 14 when I was brutally raped.
    My MIL now she is that evil was she manipulative. She tried to prevent hubby and I get married told him I wasn't carrying his babies. Wanted me to abort both my pregnancies. Tells the rest of the family lies about me. Tries to control me. But Acts all sweet to my face.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I have a GREAT mother in law. She is a wonderful human being and a wonderful mil. She treats me with respect, she is kind, considerate, generous, she loves me, cares about my feelings, etc. We hit it off from the get go. We are very different in that she is very proper and always made up. Im more casual and run around barefoot with out make up often. But I try to please her when she is her by doing my make up and being more proper... and she tries to relax a little more when she is around me. We love each other enough and the man that brought us together (her son/ my hubby) to make that extra effort to make the other one more comfortable. I play the games she likes and she helps with the cooking. I love her so much that I asked her (and fil) to come live with us for a month every year.


    I was an adult when I got married... and have always shown her the respect she deserved for raising such an amazing man.

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 7:25 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I never see her. WOOOooooooo,
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 6:55 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • (cont) Because she goes to her book club. The rest of the time she spends with my FIL, who has a seizure disorder, so he can't be alone and he can't drive. I knew I married a mama's boy, but I wish they could stop talking as often as they do (they text throughout the day). I think it would also help my marriage. I feel like she needs to step back a bit, and let DH do what he wants with his life. I think that's part of our issue. She is actually a pleasant person, and I'm glad I have the in laws I do. They're wonderful with my son, and they even keep him overnight at least once a week. So I pick my battles and I don't get into all this stuff. DS is well loved and cared for, and I'm adjusting to this family dynamic. I just wish his family could do the same of MY family dynamic. I know they talk about my family (DH has told me things). I wish they'd step back and accept the differences.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 7:08 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I love my mother she could never be replaced! I am so blessed to have my mother in law I call her my mother in love:) the difference between her and my mother is she is way less judgmental. She has always treated me as if I were her own and as if I have alway been apart of her family.
    s_toman7

    Answer by s_toman7 at 7:34 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • My mother is no role model and we hardly ever visit. My MIL is always trying to stirr the pot and try to create some type of choas and we just ignore her attempts most of the time. But she always talks down to me and trys to act as though she is more superior andbluntly lets us know that we will never live up to her standards no matter how many accomlishments we succeed at in our lifetime.
    Aries46845

    Answer by Aries46845 at 8:03 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • My mother in law despises me. Happily, she lives a long way away, and I don't care what people think of me.

    Probably because I've always known that my mother loves and respects me, so I grew up secure instead of insecure --I don't need my mil to like me to be completely okay.

    I can't be bothered doing anything about improving it, because it's outside my control. All I've ever bothered doing is seen to it that she doesn't risk insulting me or questioning my intelligence or even complaining to me, simply because I will not be baited and it never gets her where she wants to go.

    It also offers no tension between dh and I because I hold him responsible for none of it, and do not seek to keep him away from her, or even her away from me. She's 'over there' and he is welcome to go anytime he thinks it's important. Strangely, that's never.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 7:01 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • At this time, I have a much better relationship with my mother in law than my own mother! My MIL calls at least 2 times a week, and she comes to see us about once a week. She doesn't live very far away, and she genuinely loves me! Not to speak badly of my own mother, but she hasn't bothered to come to see us in about 4 months, and never calls. She's only about 15 minutes away from us. It's okay, because my mother is the one missing out on a great relationship with me, DH and our son.
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 7:01 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I feel like there is strain between us. We do get along, and I think we both want to be closer. Our two families have very different ways of dealing with one another. His family is very much in each others' business, whereas my family talks about everything, but we don't interfere like his does. He and his family (who have money) don't understand how my family doesn't have money, and works a lot, so they don't have the time for my son like DH's family does. I feel like everyone thinks my MIL is this angel (she does everything for everyone else, and little for herself). I feel like they think I'm selfish (I know they think my mom is selfish), as I take time to exercise (I'm in the process of losing weight), and I take the time I need to study, as I am going to school (which is part of our income right now). I also take a little me time, because I will lose my mind if I don't. My MIL only gets me time once a month (cont)
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 7:03 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Well My Mom had a stroke when I was 8. I was the youngest but the only girl. It fell on me to do everything that she once did. We actually at this time did a reverse role type of thing. The best thing that happened to me was I met my future husband at 15. She didn't have a daughter and soon started to treat me as her own after she met my Mom. When we first met she thought I was just spoiled brat the way I would complain about Mom. After my DMIL met my she understood and helped me though some hard teenage times. Then after dh and were married I worked with my MIL in the Kitchen of their restaurant. She demanded that things needed to be done in a certain way. Plus she was going through her change for so a few years she was a total bitch. Since then she has apologized, and things are back to the way they were. Through it all she has always been the one I go to for advice. she's wonderful.
    oldermomof5

    Answer by oldermomof5 at 7:21 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

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