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How do I deal with a step daughter that comes home from sharing a room with her mother at her grandmohers house. she goes staight to her room and acts like she hates being here.

Last January hr mom and her boyfriend were involved in a marajuna bust. Apparently they were growng it in the basement with my husbands daughter living in the house. She was never allowed downstairs and just abided by the rule. My step dauhter knew but they had told her it was the only way to make ends meet and she excepted that. When it all wnt down she was very anger and now the boyfriend is in jail and because my step daughter was there they did not charge her. Her boyfriend took the child endangerment charge from her and is serving 10 mos in jail. This was his third offense so honestly he must have rolled over on someone to get only 10 mos for 150 plants 8000 cash and 8lbs n boxes ready for sale.
The mother was told by the police to get her things and her daughter and get out and she has kept the relationship with the boyfriend going and plans for all three of them to move back together when he gets out. My husband has been very clear on his stance that my step daughter will live with us and not be able to stay with her mom if this is her plan.
The oher side of her family is very manipulitive and is scaring my step daughter and making her feel bad for not living at her grandmothers and sharinga room with her mom.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Jan. 17, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • Sounds like this is too much for your stepdaughter to be dealing with. Is she in some type of counseling? Your husband can get a court order to keep the boyfriend away from your stepdaughter, and the mother will have to abide by that, meaning no having the boyfriend there when the daughter is visiting or staying. In the meantime he can petition for sole custody. Good luck.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 7:43 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • This is a battle for your husband and his ex. She probably doesnt want to be with you because she wants to be with her mom. She has been with her and that is what she knows. You can try counseling maybe? Maybe some counseling will help her work through the feelings she has. She might feel like she is abandoning her mom or not being loyal to her mom. Its a tough age and kids learn alot about life at this point in their lives. Try and be understanding and maybe tell her that you understand she loves her mom, and dont want her to feel like she is choosing one over the other but you want what is best for her. Explain this bust went down the way it did, but next time they could bring guns, she could get shot, or worse a fellow drug dealer could break in and harm her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:45 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • She needs some copunseling, now. First off she's hormonal , she's a teen. On top of all the regular crap she has to deal with she has been ripped away from all she knows as security. Then you toss a little guilt and bad mouthing in and guess who the bad guys are? Not the cops. Daddy and Step mom.. She needs to talk to a professional who can help her work through her justrified anger, and to realize you just want what is in her best interest.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:46 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • thank you all so much. i tfeels better to not feel alone. I do stay out of it and my husband and I are in couseling adjusting to all the changes. We have a call into one now and i totally understand it is between him and his ex. We o not ask about her plans so she thinks she is keeping secrets with her aout livig with the boyfriend again. Long weekends are the worst for her and being homronal doesn't help thanks for that reminder.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:56 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Get HER in counseling. She needs to work out her anger issues, because most probably it is being taken out on you, but is actually at her mother.

    Good luck!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:05 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • maybe she just wants to have some time alone since she is sharing a room there. it may not be anything to do with you at all
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 9:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • With empathy and love.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:30 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

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