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how do I tell my son I feel so disconnected from him since he got married he has changed

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:37 PM on Jan. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Exactly how you told us and explain what you mean. But please understand he has got his own life to live now and might not have the same amount of time to share with you.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:40 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • i don't know an easy way to tell him. i think it could cause some drama between you and the wife. i would maybe just throw hints to him that you wish you could see "them" more. you do have to understand though that he is married now so he isnt going to be as available as he may have once been. maybe invite them for dinners or something like that
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:43 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Part of growing up, moving out, and creating his own family is a natural process... his wife/kids are now the primary concern for him as it should be... and if you want a part/role, than I suggest you define what exactly that is going to be? Befriend his SO, after all that is the person he chose to spend his life with! Offer to take on his kids, show an interest, personal interest in them! Take him out to luch and chat if need be... but ultimately he is doing/acting as he should when he is creating a home/family. I am sure I will "feel" like you do when mine leave me...
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 8:45 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Invite him and his wife over for dinner? Holiday get togethers? Extend a reason for them to spend more time with you... and don't "hint", be blunt/honest with your son
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 8:47 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • could you give us more info?
    21lisa72

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 9:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • They live in Colorado and we live in Virginia so invite over for dinner is out of the question, we fly to see them once or twice a year.
    I feel better being reminded of how he is making his wife and family the priority, His wife has come from a family that was not as close and keeps her distance...I will keep trying and keep loving the time I get with them...I will also be honest with him and ask if we are not exchanging gifts anymore Thanks
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:57 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • If you are going to have a relationship with your son it has got to be done through his wife. SIMPLE. You must befriend her. Call her. Show her respect, praise her. Does she send you cards, pictures? Thank her, tell her how much you appreciate her thinking of you and how important it is to you. Let her know you remember what it was like to be a mother and how busy and overwhelmed you felt. Let her know she is appreciated. Send a note or card, make every effort to include her in EVERYTHING. Encourage others to do this too. See if you can be her friend on Face Book. Every chance you get praise her on FB. Praise her pictures, recipies, activities, anything you can...let her know you have nothing but admiration for her. The biggest problems occur between MILs AND DILs due to competition and jealousy. Be her BF not your sons. Once she sees you care for her she will be your BFF. I wish my MIL was like this. Be real!
    MiMi20102

    Answer by MiMi20102 at 12:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • To disconnected mom, I feel your pain, my son has been married for 7 yrs now and the most I get is a text message for holidays unless I make a fuss about not seeing him or my grandson. I read all the advise posted and have to say I did all of those things. My daughter in law would come to my home and spend weekends and share our holidays prior to the marriage. I knew I had to work threw her to maintain a relationship with my son. So I went out of my way to be kind to her, even going against my husband and allowing them to stay in the same bedroom when she spent the weekends. When the wedding plans were announced I would call her cell phone to talk to her and automatically she would hand the phone to my son when she saw it was my number. When they announced they were expecting I made my spare room into a nursery and gave them family Ethan Allen baby cradle had custom made bedding and purchased a gold plaque. did not work--
    nonamom

    Answer by nonamom at 11:10 AM on Oct. 9, 2013

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