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Should I be less protective over my 6 mo old and try to have more of a "life"?

I am a SAHM, my husband works all the time, and we have moved to a rural area where I have no friends.....that being said, I am pretty much alone with my daughter all day, everyday. We have only left her once with our neighbor for a few hours once night....she was not that great. Wouldn't eat the cereal or take a bottle....but eventually fell asleep. I will admit I have trouble leaving her....even with my husband. I just hate to think of her being miserable.

Well, we are going to Florida to visit my MIL, BIL and his wife (they have 2 kids). My hubby tells me he has concert tickets for all of us and his mom can't wait to watch our daughter (who is 6 mo. old) once night.

Here are the issues I am having with the arrangement:

-Besides the fact that we would have been there a day and a half at this point....our LO has only met my MIL once, when she was 2 weeks old which doesn't really count.
-my MIL will ALSO be watching the 2 and 5 yr. olds so she will be distracted....and I just picture one of them handing our daughter some choking hazard, trying to get all of them to bed, etc.
-our daughter will probably be screaming the ENTIRE time because it is evening (she is fussy anyways), I am not there, and she doesn't KNOW this woman!
-who knows how long we will be gone and it isn't like we can just run back to the house quickly if anything happens

I will have a HORRIBLE time if I go to the concert because I will be stressing about her all damn night!

I do want to have a "life" .....just in short doses and close to home I guess....and with one person watching our daughter so she has all the attention on her.

Please tell me there are more moms out there that feel this way and I am not being "crazy"

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Asked by siren77 at 10:00 PM on Jan. 17, 2011 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 10 (387 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Hit up the local library and check out parenting books, I learned the most that way!!! And what you are doing is what I was guilty of... "Helecopter Parenting" which has its negatives too...

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 10:05 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I think your being overprotective! Ur MIL has had children b4 (ur hubby) so I think she knows what to do! If u don't get out every once in a while you'll go stir crazy. I know how u feel, I miss my son so much when I'm not with him, and even feel a little guilt sometimes, but I have to tell myself that it's good to still do things as a sister, daughter, wife, etc. Personal question, but do u think maybe u have PPD? I had it and I was just like u, where I didn't want to leave my son with anyone and had high anxiety about it and irrational fears about leaving him.

    Answer by PANZONSMOM at 10:06 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Never heard of it having these symptoms....but I def am a little neurotic about her.

    Comment by siren77 (original poster) at 10:10 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • PPD is postpartum depression. I think it's normal to feel the way you feel to a certain extent, but not to the point of stress and anxiety.

    Answer by PANZONSMOM at 10:14 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I think you are smart and are being a good, responsible, careful mother.

    I remember that I got into a heated argument with my friend when my baby was 4 mths. because I REFUSED to go to the gym with friend...because I refused to use the daycare that young. Wouldn't do it, not even for an hour. Meanwhile, her 1 year old cried anywhere she left him..but she said the problem was not the daycare, was me?! (We are still good friends today.)

    My MIL, same story. She wanted to have the baby alone, and I was not comfortable with that so she labeled me the whole family. I didn't care, I am stubborn that way. I am the mother, the only one they have, so I did what I felt was the best for my babies. There is PLENTY of time for concerts and the adult fun in life. Take care of your baby now the way that feels best for you, and don't be afraid to stand up for that! You can party it up later. Baby needs you now.

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:27 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Thanks! The thing is....I am I have partied it up. My only job, I feel, now is to be there for her and make sure she gets what she needs and is as happy as possible. The thought of her crying for 3-5 hours straight because we have left her with a "stranger" tears me up!!!

    Comment by siren77 (original poster) at 10:33 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • If you don't feel comfortable, or want to leave your baby there is nothing wrong with that! Maybe your "life" right now us being a mom. DH should have asked you if this is what you want to do.

    There seems to be a lot of pressure in our society that a mom should want or need time away from her baby. I think that is nonsense! I rarely left my babies with anyone.

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 10:39 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • I know! The same as it is with making them "independent" before they need to be (self-soothers, etc.) I just know that since I am the one around her the most....I know her best and she is the most comfortable with me right now. It won't last forever.

    Comment by siren77 (original poster) at 10:44 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • In noticing the PPD remarks, I just wanted to add that I never suffered any of the PPD symptoms either, and I know that I would not leave my baby in the situation that you described....from one overprotective parent to another ha ha!

    Also, for me, the attachment theory was something I agreed with when I raised my babies. I believe it helps to encourage healthy emotional development and bonding for the child to the parents. I have a feeling you might agree with this theory as well, so you might want to look into that too.

    Okay and being a helicopter parent is one extreme to another. I am not a helicopter parent, and neither are you, simply because you don't want to leave your BABY alone with other toddlers and a person who is an unfamiliar face. Leaving a child to scream at that age, in an unfamiliar environment/ potentially chaotic environment is going to create more emotional damage in my opinion.


    Answer by spottedpony at 10:52 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Ok mama, just breathe.
    Although it will kill you to think your baby is crying, it isn't going to kill her. It took m e a while to accept that fact. The only thing that helped me was my mom. If she watched my daughter, even for a few hours, she would always tell me she was fine. Even if i could hear her in the back, screaming, she would just say she is having a bad moment and reassured me that she was just fine, and I should just do what i need to do, she will be happy when she sees me. And when i showed up, she was, and very happy to see me. The worst thing that will happen is, your LO fusses all night, and falls asleep. I know its awful to think about, but you deserve ONE night of fun with adults, and your hubs,Even if your MIL is watching other kids, she knows that yours is the youngest, by far, and will need special and constant care and attention.
    My advice, to help ease your mind, and your MIL is:

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 10:54 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

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