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NEEDS ADVICE ON A COMPLICATED SITUATION

OK FIRST OFF I AM CURRENTLY SEPERATED FROM MY HUSBAND. WE HAVE A 5 1/2 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER. OUR LAST ARGUMENT WAS ABOUT MONEY. A FEW DAYS BEFORE XMAS I ASKED HIM TO COME TO THE MALL WITH ME TO PICK UP THE BABYS PICTURES I GOT DONE AT SEARS. HE AGREED BUT IN THE CAR HE ASKED TO BORROW 40 BUCKS I SAID NO. IN MACYS I BOUGHT HIM A SHIRT ON MY CARD AND GOT A GIFT FOR MY NIECE. ON THE WAY HOME HE STARTS ARGUING WITH ME OVER MY INCOME TAX MONEY. HE DEMANDED 1500 JUST BECUZ WE R MARRIED AND I HAVE THE BABY HE THINKS MY REFUND WILL BE GOOD. MEANWHILE IM IN DEBT FROM OUR SHORT MARRIAGE AND CURRENTLY MOVED BACK WITH MY PARENTS. I SAID NO AGAIN AND HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY Y DID HE COME WITH ME TO THE MALL MEANWHILE THE BABY WAS WITH US! I BECAME ENRAGED AND GOT VERY NASTY WITH HIM AND LEFT. I CHANGED MY NUMBER AND ITS BEEN A MONTH SINCE WE SPOKE. HE HASNT ATTEMPTED TO REACH ME AT ALL. I TOLD HIS MOM I WANT HIM TO SIGN OVER HIS RIGHTS AND IM GOING TO JUST LET MY FAMILY HELP ME RAISE HER LIKE WE BEEN SINCE SHE HAS BEEN BORN. NOW I AM STARTING TO FEEL GUILTY LIKE ITS MY FAULT HE HASNT TRIED TO SEE THE BABY. AND IM ALSO WORRIED HE MAY WANT TO TAKE HER WITHOUT ME IF HE DOES COME BACK IN HER LIFE. HIS HOUSEHOLD IS DYSFUNCTIONAL. HIS 16 YR OLD BROTHER HAS AUTISM AND IS AGRESSIVE. HE SWUNG ON ME TWICE AND EVEN ACTED UP WITH MY HUSBAND WHILE HE WAS HOLDING THE BABY! I NEVER BROUGHT HER OVER THERE AGAIN. HIS MOM HAS WANTED TO SEE THE BABY BUT I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE SITUATION. I WORK IN THE FIELD SO I AM WELL AWARE OF THE UNCERTAINTY OF THE BEHAVIOR OF SOMEONE WITH THIS DISABILITY. MY HUSBAND EVEN CAME TO SEE OUR DAUGHTER IN THE CAR ONE DAY CUZ HE SAID HIS BROTHER IS HOME. WHEN I EXPRESSED MY CONCERNS TO HIS MOM ALL SHE SAID WAS IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR HER TO SEE HER GRANDCHILD BECAUSE THE BROTHER IS HOME ON THE WEEKENDS WHICH IS HER ONLY TIME OFF. AND SHE ALSO SAID SHE DOESNT THINK HE WOULD HARM HER AND SHE KNOWS HE ISNT 100 PERCENT SO THE BABY WOULDNT BE LEFT UNATTENDED. AND I KNOW HOW THOSE TYPE OF CHILDREN HAVE THEIR MOMENTS..I ALSO OFFERED HER OTHER OPTIONS TO SEE THE BABY AND SHE SAID SHE DOESNT FEEL SHE SHOULD HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE TO SEE HER GRANDDAUGHTER.LIKE WTF? SO SHE SEES NOTHING WRONG WITH MY DAUGHTER THERE. SO AS OF NOW I BASICALLY HAVE NO CONTACT WITH EITHER HIM OR HIS MOM.SO EVEN IF HE COMES BACK I WONT LET HIM TAKE HER. AM I WRONG OR SHOULD I TRY TO AMEND THINGS FOR MY DAUGHTERS SAKE?? HELPPPP???

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Janellemommy82

Asked by Janellemommy82 at 10:09 PM on Jan. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • no i agree the household isnt safe and esp with your husband i would not let him have unsupervised visits. if the MIL doesnt want to go a bit out of her way then she obviously doesnt want to see the baby that much. and no i would not lend him any money you are already in debt and living at home with your own mom so what makes him think that you can afford to hand over money? you have every right to be concerned and i would make it known to the judge about your concerns when you do finally go through the divorce. just keep that baby safe and not go into that household. GL
    laura970

    Answer by laura970 at 10:16 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • Seems that you still have some feelings for him, but then you should ask yourself what is more important to you,its not your fault if he has not tried to contact you to see the baby, also if the brother is a danger for your baby and even for the adults I would not take her to their house ever, even if you are there all the time it only takes a second for things to happen and regarding the money you should take care of your debt he is a grown man and you have to take care of your baby 1ST, everyone and everything else comes second.
    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 10:19 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • that is incredibly hard to read in all caps - hope you get help, but I won't evey try to weed thru that. Sorry

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • About the imcome tax, you should file, have the income tax sent to your house and keep all the money since you are taking care of the baby. He prob will stop wanting to see her if he has gone a month without contacting you and just so you know, that is not your fault. He may end up trying to get visitation but the judge will not let the baby in the home with the brother if he has already been a problem. My ex's parents felt the same way, like why should they leave their home to come see the baby, they have no relationship with her as a result of that. I am sorry for what you are going through, I know it is hard, been there. You situation sounds much like mine, I now have a 4 year old dd and while her father isn't around much, my fiance' is. Your love life is not over, you will find someone else ( I say that because when I was in the situation I wish someone had said it to me) Good luck
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:12 PM on Jan. 17, 2011

  • First, the brother is way too unstable. I wouldn't leave baby in that house if my life depended on it...and her life does.

    Second, If you can trust your mom, which it sounds like you can ask your mom to set up a separate account just for your funds, but in mom's name only. Your name is not on that account. Have the income tax direct deposited into that account. You are raising the child, you need the tax return. He is free of child and can work 1, 2, 3 jobs if he needs to without a care in the world who is taking care of baby

    Last, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it. If MIL has an unsafe environment, she needs to step out if she really wants to see the baby. Not your problem if she can't put that effort into it. And father sounds like he is only interested in green stuff. Dead weight both of them. Cut them loose and move on ASAP! Get him to sign over his rights now.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:45 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

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