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step parenting help pleeease

ok i have a stepson that is 18 ever since he was four he has tried to cause problems with his father and i and most of the time he has succeeded well he is still doing this when his dad is not around he is ignorant as hell to me and then runs to his dad before i can say anything and tells him this big lie about what happened and always makes me look like the bad guy i hate it when he comes here i can't stand to hear his name i mean he even told his mother when he was like ten he was going to kill me in my sleep and like i said everytime he comes to our home it is a fight with me and my dh this boy even broke into our home a week ago how can i not let him get to me so much

 
jodi205

Asked by jodi205 at 12:30 PM on Nov. 13, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 17 (4,145 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Get a recording camera and hide it and tape him. Secretly turn it on whenever he comes in, even before he starts his crap with you. Then when he lies amd hisdad takes his side, PROVE his lies to your husband, then if you don't get a good and proper apology and the son banned, I would kick him AND hubby out for good!
    pagan_mama

    Answer by pagan_mama at 11:36 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Does your husband believe him when he tells lies? I'll probably get bashed for this, but you need to come first to your hubby and he needs to come first to you. And then together as a TEAM you take care of the children. If your hubby is believing your son over you then there is a very BIG problem in your household. Check out the following two books, they'll explain this much better than I ever could.

    Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
    Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 12:35 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • sometimes he does believe him sometimes not he doesnt live with us but sure knows how to cause prblems but my dh is always telling me to lay off of him here is one for you the other day he came to our house walked in the back door and left it wide open my one year old was standing there i said you can't leave the door open he looked at me and said something smart i said you cannot leave the door open well he would not go back and shut it by this time the baby is walkin to the door so i run grab her and slam the door i said you can't leave the fu@# door open i got in trouble by my dh for yelling at him
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 12:43 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Yeah, I am thinking he hasn't ever accepted you and he perhaps blames dad for choosing you over him. To be fair, I am just guessing. However, something like the example above is just plain rude and you had every right to be upset with him after you asked him the third time to do something as common sense as close the door. I could see if the child was younger, your husband being upset at somethig like that. But at 18, he knows better and is just doing this to cause problems. Can you call your husband at work or text him or something when things like this happen that way he has your side of the story first?
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 2:07 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • oh i'v done that i have called him at work and his son always gets to him first or when his son did live with us and this is while i was pregnant he would come home from skool and just start on me calling me names and bossing me around and i would call his dad and he would get on the phone with him and start crying at seventeen mind you and tell his dad i started it and he would believe him i feel like i am the child when he is around cuz i am always the one getting yelled at and now he is coming around more becuz his mom kicked him out she said get a job or leave so he left now he lives with my dhs mother and comes here all the time i don't know what to do
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 2:18 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Honey, your problem isn't your stepson...it's your HUSBAND! How dare he put his son over you??? It sounds like SS whines the loudest and you back down so of course DH is going to give SS what he wants. It's a lot harder to say No to a persistant child than it is to just let him have his way.
    You should give your husband an ultimatum: you and he have to set rules for SS to obey in your home and you and DH will enforce them....or SS is not welcome in your home. SS is dividing and conquering you ...
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 2:31 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I agree 110% with the above post by companygoddess.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 4:43 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

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