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4 Bumps

How can I bow out gracefully from throwing a shower for a friend?

I recently asked a mutual friend of mine if she'd heard about a baby shower for our other friend. She hadn't heard of any thing, and I told her if she wanted to I'd help her throw a shower. As in plan it, invitations, games, etc. She said she would get the cake because she got food stamps. That sounded great to me, since cakes are expensive. I told her I could probably help with a diaper cake since she said some one she knew made them. However, when plans were run by the pregnant friend, she decided she wanted a cake from a high dollar bakery, she changed the location from a house to a place that will cost money to rent, and she's changed the date three times already. This is turning into a much bigger pain and expense than I anticipated. My DH is the only one working and I don't have my own money. I can't help pay for a cake, a diaper cake, renting a banquet room and get a gift as well. I don't mind helping, but I can no longer offer any financial help since the plans have changed so drastically. I don't know what to say to the mutual friend now that doesn't make me sound like a bitch, or cheap skate. What would you say?

 
Mrs.B3

Asked by Mrs.B3 at 1:49 AM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Just for Fun

Level 16 (3,196 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • let her know your hubby handles all the bills and the budget is tight. tell her she might want another friend to handle it. she sounds very difficult.
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 8:56 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • just tell her the economy is not working in your favor and u cannot afford all of these expenses, but u could give a donation and help with the planning of the shower. if she gets an attitude; she is selfish and needs an attitude adjustment.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 1:58 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Don't feel bad. Your friend is taking advantage of you. Remember no one is obligated to do what the person wants. You do what you can afford if that isn't enough for her then you just can't do it.
    mommy2boys03

    Answer by mommy2boys03 at 2:59 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I would just be honest w/her, now if she cant understand that then thats just rude of her. I would say something like " hey why dnt we throw the shower at so&so house because i really cant afford a hall" Gl girl, ive been in your shoes, w/my sisters bridal i quickly responed on how i could only help w/making the food because i got foodstamps& could only afford that, my sister just smiled, some of her friends wanted to throw it at expensive restaurants.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 1:59 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I would kindly explain to her that you had agreed to the original plans and that right now things are a little tight with bills-as they are for a lot of people right now- and is there anything she might be willing to compromise on?
    OurHeartsAwait

    Answer by OurHeartsAwait at 2:00 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I would just be honest. If you don't have the money you don't have the money. Truthfully I think your friend the one who is wrong. If you are kind enough to throw a shower it isn't her place to tell you what you are doing. Either she takes what you can do or else you can't do it.
    mommy2boys03

    Answer by mommy2boys03 at 2:01 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Just be honest with her and let her know that you just don't have the money right now to do those things. But you could ask a few more friends to help out too.
    Julia0331

    Answer by Julia0331 at 2:23 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I would tell her straight out that you offered to throw a babyshower that you could afford. If she doesn't like the plans you made tell her to foot the bill herself. She sounds like a selfish little snot if you ask me.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 12:53 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I thought it was fine to have the shower at mutual friend's house and get a cake from Albertson's or whatever. Something we could all afford. There is NO way DH is going to fork over the amount of money needed for all the things that the pregnant friend is insisting on! That's the problem! I offered to help because I wanted to reach out to some school friends I hadn't seen in a while. I feel bad for saying I can't help since it's gotten more expensive.
    Mrs.B3

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 2:04 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • You can only do what you can. You can want to give more but honestly if you can't, don't stress it. either they appreciate what you can do or don't. If not, then screw it.
    kim0167

    Answer by kim0167 at 3:07 AM on Jan. 18, 2011