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2 Bumps

If love is a choice....

is it wrong to say no?
"If you are in a relationship and love each other, here is a universal truth: Love is choice and if you choose it wholeheartedly, you are never going to lose it."

And is it possible to truly love the wrong person?
What does it mean when you're not in love with someone? Does it mean you chose not to love them?


Asked by isabellalecour at 8:16 AM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,599 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • And is it possible to truly love the wrong person?
    yes, you can love a person that has personality flaws , and some flaws can be so great that they are a toxic person to you

    What does it mean when you're not in love with someone? Does it mean you chose not to love them?
    if in love with someone who is toxic to you, when you realize that you can love them still but choose not to be with them because they are unhealthy for you, you have choosen love=you have choosen to love yourself more than put up with a toxic person

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:21 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I agree that love is a choice, however, there are a lot of variables here.
    Love is a choice, chemistry is not. If there is no chemistry, there probably won't be love (of course there are exceptions to this)

    There is also a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. You can love someone very much and not be IN LOVE with them.

    If you are in a relationship and you suddenly realize that you don't love the person anymore, or at least don;t love him.her as much, did you kill love yourself? it is very possible, but something probably happened to trigger that. People change with time and some times they change in different directions. That is usually a reason why people fall out of love.
    If you stop working at it, it might also go away.

    Some times the choice is just completely unconscious. Yes, you made the choice, but not consciously, so, did you really make the choice?

    Answer by Dalimonster at 8:23 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Not sure I know what you mean about 'is it wrong to say no"? I don't think love is ever 'wrong' per say, but there are definately unhealthy relationships that should be terminated even if you have love for the other person. Love does not mean you allow yourself to be trampled on. Love should come from appreciation of a person's good qualities. To be 'in love', I think encompasses a lot of things. There is attraction and qualities and something else. If you are talking about 'falling out of love', I would say there were events that led up to that, and usually feelings justified. I think you can get the love feelings back sometimes by accepting the person for who they are and focusing on the good qualities that you like about them, or fell in love with in the first place.

    Answer by Allie428 at 8:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Love is definitely a choice. We all get those warm fuzzy feelings in the beginning because we are attracted to someone. It doesnt mean we love them, and alot of people mistake those feelings for love. At some point we do ask ourselves if we love this person. That is when we make the choice. You have the choice to love a good person who is good for you, or to love someone who is potentially toxic for you and brings out the worst. That is why people should not rush into marriage and give enough time to KNOW the person before saying you will spend forever with them.
    I have divorced and can say my ex was not good for me, but I loved him with all my heart. If I had gone into the relationship realizing I could not change him maybe I could have saved some heart ache. I am remarried now, and can say my husband is good for me. But at the end of the day it is your choice to live with the person with their flaws, or not.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:49 AM on Jan. 18, 2011