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4 Bumps

what do you think I should do? Help my husband or not.

My husband left me about a week ago cause it was the last argument that we had he broke

 a flat t.v. he also hit the wall and made a whole thru it. I had ask a week ago on cafemoms to help to decide if iI had done wrong if I didnt take him back in the house cuz I have 6 children butonly the three samall ones are his 3,2,1. and the other 3 are mine from my past husband who past away 10 yrs ago on his job. Well n e way my present husband does not hit me at all but he was very hurtful with words to all of us . and so a week later Ive been strong not to go back wth him he asks every day he wants to come home but I say no then he gets mad again and says ugly words to again but last night he said he is tired of that he wants to die and i told him on the phone u need help .So later he called me again crying saying his not going to work this morning that he is going to find some help like a rehab for angry management so my question is do you all think I should let him go look for help on his own or should I go with him to look for help. I have not told him n e thing he did not ask me to he just said he dont want to loose us and hanged up .What do you all think dhould i help he dosent have insurance or medicare or any thing like that so I knw its going to be tougher then he thinks like just to walk up to one of these places and say can you all take me in.

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Asked by aida1212 at 8:23 AM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (362 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • He needs to get help on his own, and he needs to follow through with treatment alone. The only way he is going to change is if he wants to do it for himself.

    Answer by Scuba at 8:26 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I think that if he is willing to get help, then I would help him. Do you have anyone to watch the kids while you help him? If not then I would just help him by calling around to some places and give him the info.

    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:28 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • IF he wanted to truly come home then he wouldnt have been so verbally abusive when you said no. I personally would seek marriage counseling before you move back in together. Most of the time things will only get worse and you need to stick to your guns and do for yourself and your kids right now. They dont deserve such a negative environment and def dont need to see their mom treated so poorly by their own father. And you dont deserve it either. If he wants to come home then he must agree to YOUR terms. GL and sorry youre going through this

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:28 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • You can give him the names and numbers of doctors and/or agencies, support groups, etc. Help him with the research, but do not make any appts. for him. There are plenty of agencies out there; he has to take the responsibility himself to seek help if he is really sincere. You have enough to do with 5 children and you also need to look out for yourself.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:30 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I think he needs some tough love. Support his decision and once he has found himself a program, worked it successfully AND you can see it in his soul, slowly begin to work his angry ass back into your life with the kids. Otherwise: fuck him. He put a tv through a wall because he was saying, even subconciously, I could put you through a wall. If he's such a big man he can help himself to change while you help the kids grow into well adjusted members of society by seeing that momma does not tolerate this kind of behavior. Good Luck.

    Answer by BluDog at 8:31 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • he was very hurtful with words to all of us
    he said he is tired of that he wants to die
    he dont want to loose us and hanged up .

    he called me again crying saying his not going to work this morning that he is going to find some help like a rehab for angry management .....................he has to do this for himself, if you hold his hand you are enableing him again, he has a real issue that needs fixing=you can not fix this, but he can, it will be a very difficult road, but his road, not yours
    if he does find a place to ehlp him, and goes to a few 'meeting' then i would begin to think maybe he is serious about fixing himself

    you can support him by searching for place for him (if he asks give him info)
    but do not do this for for him
    careful to not be an enabler for him, this will hault his progress
    sometimes you have to hit bottom before you can come back up the air, sometimes there is no bottom, time will tell

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:31 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I agree with Scuba.. If he wants help, he needs to seek it alone. Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, and from what it sounds like he is heading in the direction of becoming both. Breaking a TV and punching a whole through the wall? Luckily it was not you or one of those kids, That's often how physical abuse starts out. Sounds a lot like he is playing the sympathy card and trying to make you feel sorry for him. You need to tell him to worry about himself and you will worry about your 6 children. After he's found some help and has proved he is better, then you guys can talk about relationship status. This is only my opinion. I would just hate for anything to happen to any of you. Good luck

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 8:33 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • if he doesnt have insurance maybe he can go to the health department.

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:35 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • yes his mom and my sis is willing to help me with the kids cuz only two stay home the other children go to school till 3pm but in confused I dont knw if Im butting. But i dont want him to think whil we are in the car together that oh well I dont find n e thing atleast I tried so can I come home so I dont knw .But theres been many times he'll say he wants to die he has even told me too if he dies that im going with him to. He is just so angry and bitterd.

    Comment by aida1212 (original poster) at 8:37 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Without knowing the entire story it's really hard to give advise. Has your relationship always been littered with verbal abuse? Was this just a case of him losing his temper? Does this sort of thing happen often? There are many questions I could ask but I won't. I also don't want you to think that I'm defending him because I'm not....I lived with an abusive man for almost 3 years before I found the courage to leave. What I am saying is that people lose their tempers, they say and do things that they would not normally. That doesn't mean that he shouldn't seek help. Maybe you need to step back and look at the time you've spent with him and decide if the good out weighs the bad, if you or your children are in danger, what are you willing to do in order to get your life where you want it to be. Good luck to you and your family.


    Answer by how_reb at 8:49 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

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