Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How did you feel when you found out...

You were pregnant with your second child? I am not pregnant but I just fear it will change how I feel about my first. Will my First feel like I love her less.. How did you feel and how did you feel about your first Baby opposed to your 2nd? Did you love him or her less or more?

Answer Question

Asked by staciepi at 9:00 AM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 15 (2,019 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • There was so much going on in my life when I got pregnant with my second child that my first thought was I am totally surprised because we weren't even trying. after that I was very excited and it didn't change my feelings for my first child. I was happy for my child because they would have a little brother or sister to play with and it would just mean more love in the house.

    I have 3 children and I love them all equally.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:03 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • You learn that you have enough love for more than one and they both become super important to you. It is about your increased capacity to love not about loving one less. You have to show the first one you do not love her less. That is your job as a good mom. When the day comes make it about her for awhile when the new baby comes home and she'll realize she has not been replaced.

    Answer by elizabr at 9:05 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • my dh struggled with the same problem when i was pg with our second.. he would always say how could i love him as mu fuch as our first..and when they arrive you find that you feel the same love for the second as the first..=)

    Answer by zperez0809 at 9:06 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • My love didn't change for my first child, but from the beginning of the pregnancy, I worried a lot about having 2 children and was feeling like I was taking away something from my first child. And I still feel kind of that way and my second child is 2 years old. So every now and then, I take my oldest out, just him and me, and we have time alone together doing something fun. I love them both, differently because they are very different people, but I love them equally as a mother to my two boys.

    Answer by sukainah at 9:08 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I was very nervous about it having our second. A friend shared a poem with me called Loving Two. Look it up, very sweet. :)

    I have three and love them all equally. I have a different relationship with each because they are all very different people. There has never been a moment where one was any more special than another. I guess you could say it all just works out.

    Answer by Jessica157 at 9:09 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • It crossed my mind that I wouldn't be able to love 2nd baby as much, but any and all worries about various concerns I had vanished when she was born. I loved her every single bit as much as my 1st. My 1st was not jealous of the baby. I did not have a lot of trouble caring for a newborn and a toddler at the same time. My worries were mostly unfounded and yours probably will be too :-)

    Answer by vicesix at 9:09 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I had similar thoughts throughout my pregnancy, but all of it quickly changed once my son arrived. It's like my heart expanded x2 and made room lol Just make sure to include your first as much as possible and still take the special time out to do things with him/her like you used to =) Once we got past the first 2 or 3 months I made Wednesdays our special date days.. we would go to the park, beach, out to lunch, ect just the two of us.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 9:14 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I was scared. Scared that I would love my 2nd more than my oldest, or vice-versa. But pp's are right, you will end up loving your children equally. Just don't end up favoring one more than the other. Of course you're going to spend a little bit more time w/ the NB than your oldest, but make sure you do special things with oldest, so they don't feel out of the loop. your DH has to follow along too lol

    Answer by knicole0708 at 9:17 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • all my friends thought theyd love one more than the other but its nothing like that. and as long as they both get attention ur first won think anything

    Answer by QuincesMommy at 9:42 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I feel more of a connection with my first then I do my seonc child. However, I love them both dearly. They're everything to me. My son is a Mamma's boy and my daughter is a daddy's girl, so my son and I have bonded a lot more then my daughter and I. When I found out I was pregnant I felt like I was jipping my son, because I concieved my daughter when he was four months old. I still kind of feel that way sometimes, even though I'm glad that I have both in my life. I found out very early, and even kind of knew going in, that both would need my individual attention. I give them both that and try to give them both attention based on who they are. My son loves trains and building, so we play with that. My daughter loves stuffed animals and music, so we play with that. Loving them wasn't hard, it came naturally. Giving them individual attention came naturally as well, and they both really love mom time.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:17 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.