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3 Bumps

What would you do...would really appreciate some imput here. In JFF for more answers

DH has a co-worker..married w/4 kids under10. No car, DH takes him to and fro...for which he doesn't seem greatful(I guess that is not why he takes him but still) anyway, wife is hooked on pills. They are on assistance and sell their foodstamps for cash. On the first of this month they had close to 1,000 in foodstamps, and by the end of the day they had spent about 200 on themselves and sold the rest off at 50 cents on the dollar. They borrow money from us all the time and ask us if they can have it and pay interest on it. We have given before, but we are not made of money and it is becoming a monthly thing.
Ok, to the point..last night DH gets a text from the Mrs. asking to borrow 100 bucks and said she would pay it back in a week and a half at 120% interest. She said she was not proud,she had no groceries in the house etc. This is where I got in the mix. I text her, that we did not have cash, but if she had hungry kids, I could bring her some groceries to tide her over, and asked what she needed...thinking the basics, bread, milk, eggs blah blah. She text back a looong list. I was speachless! Pop, chips, lunch meat, cereal, snacks, stuff for dinners...the list went on. Now, my DH is so fed up, he told me I was not to take them anything as this is a cycle they will never break. My mothers heart however thinks of the kids...can't help it their parents are dumb asses! I have 5 of my own and would die before I let them go hungry. I was going to just drop off some milk, bread, cereal, bananas etc...and take the heat from DH...what should I do? I know they won't change, but does this change the fact that innocent kids will go hungry...of btw, dad has smokes every day at is a mess....I just don't know what to do...if I am not part of the solution am I not part of the problem? OR am I just enabling them?

Answer Question

Asked by salexander at 9:35 AM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Just for Fun

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I would drop off some milk, bread, peanut butter (KID food) just this LAST time and tell her it's the last time. Make it clear you are not her go-to bank and grocery store any longer. I would be done with the whole mess.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 9:38 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • The fact that "they do this all the time" is the basis for my answer. I agree with your husband--don't do it. It's enabling and yousimply can't take care of four more children. Buying their groceries just frees up more cash for her to spend on drugs---which in the long run, is worse for those kids. She will never get help until she's hurting badly enough to seek it. if you want to help her, tell her you'll feed the kids while she's in rehab---and escort her there.

    Answer by charlottej at 9:42 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Thats a hard one knowing there are kids involved. Take just a few things, bread, pb, some fruit. That is soo sad. How are they on food stamps if husband works?

    Answer by choco_mom at 10:07 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Because she stays at home with the kids, and he only makes about 12 bucks an hour. My DH makes more than he does. Many hard working folks qualify for foodstamps.

    Comment by salexander (original poster) at 10:09 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Direct her to a food bank or local church?

    Answer by zebbiebug at 10:16 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • addition to this mess, my DD's boyfriends mom works for CPS in our county. I am not a perfect mom...none of us are...but at times I am tempted to go to her with this situation....idk.

    Comment by salexander (original poster) at 10:18 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • You've done a lot for them already. Dropping off some basic supplies is a good idea, I hate the thought of kids starving, but they need to grow up and be parents. I wouldn't loan them money anymore.

    Answer by Scuba at 10:32 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Go to CPS. I realize this is a hard decision to make but if you are truly thinking of the kids, they need this help. Giving them food or money IS enabling and you know it. These "parents" need a wake-up call. This is not about being a "perfect" parent but about being a parent at all. How can any parent rationalize the need for drugs for themselves before food for their children? I know your heart bleeds for these kids, but reporting the parents is the best help you can give them.

    Answer by hootie826 at 10:42 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • It sounds like you have 3 choices.

    1) You can take them food, and the kids will eat. The parents may appreciate it, or they may be mad, because it wasn't what they wanted. This is going to be either a one time fix, but the kids will be hungry again next week or next month or tomorrow, or you're going to be sucked in and supporting their family as well, while the parent support their addictions.

    2) You can ignore it and say "not my problem" and the kids are going to go hungry.

    3) You call CPS and the parents get help and the kids get the care (and the food!) that they need, or the parents don't get help they keep committing welfare fraud, using drugs, etc, and the kids are removed from the home - but is that really all that bad a thing when compared to going hungry while living with a drugged out mom and a dad who doesn't do anything about it to stop it?

    I think, hard as it is, #3 is the best choice...


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:05 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • They are playing you like a fiddle. They have enough resources to feed their kids. I seriously doubt they had NO FOOD AT ALL in the house. If they were truly OUT of food, she would have been grateful to accept whatever you were going to give her, not request everything but the kitchen sink. CPS needs to get involved if they aren't properly caring for their children. If they can afford cigarettes, they can afford food. They just choose not to. That is neglect, IMO!!

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 11:12 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

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