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Stressful, worried and don't know what to do? Opinions please?

Hi ladies,

I'm sorry this is a little long but please bear with me. I'm 32 married and have a little girl who's my whole life. She's 15 months now and we have been discussing another pregnancy with my husband lately. My husband thinks that we should start trying in a few months. I definitely want one more child but have tried to explain how I feel but I don't think he understands..Ok: I had a Csection after 18 hours of waiting and thinking I'll have a vaginal delivery. My Csection was done with a full anesthesia and the circumstances afterwards were HORRIFIC. My country is known for the worst delivery system probably in the world. After birth, the baby was given to me, placed in her little cot and no one is there to take care of her. I was in indescribable pain after the Csection, I couldn't move AND had a baby to take care of. My husband was not allowed in my room, except for 1 hour in the evenings. My mom was there as much as she could of course but she got tired eventually and had to go and there I was alone, in horrible pain and with a baby. No nurses to help, no one to show me anything. I figured everything out on my own. 2 months later, I started feeling pain on my surgery wound. I went to the hospital and aparrently, they screwed up my stitches and it got infected. Another month of pain and me staying in bed. All in all, it took me a little less than a year to fully recover. It was a terrible experience. Which brings us to now: My husband does NOT understand how it is, mostly cause he didn't see how bad I was, as he was only allowed to see me for 1 hour. I DO want another child, I really do but the whole experience of birth and afterwards was traumatizing for me. I do not want to go through the same again, I don't think I can take all this a 2nd time. I have asked the doctor and he says there is a very very VERY low chance I'll be able to have a vaginal birth so it's amost certain I'll have another Csection. How can I explain to my husband that I am TERRIFIED of going through the same things again BUT I DO want another baby? I don't know how to get over this.............what would you do? Thank you

Answer Question

Asked by Marianne140 at 10:48 AM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (811 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • How terrible, I am so sorry you went through that! Have you explained your concerns to your DH?

    Answer by Scuba at 10:51 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I would see if you can find a midwife and perhaps look into a homebirth. I don't know the circumstances of your c-section, or why it was necessary, but I am so sorry for that experience.

    Answer by misses_nick at 10:52 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Scuba2: I have yes, but he just doesn't understand. He says that we are in a different country now (his country, no comparison to mine in this, the health system is great here) so things will be totally different. But I still have that clutch in my stomach whenever I think about it, you know? I am so scared. I don't know how to make him understand.

    misses_nick: The baby was coming upside down AND she was very heavy, more than 4 kilos. It was absolutely necessary to have a Csection. As for the circumstances, I tried to describe them as best as possible..

    Comment by Marianne140 (original poster) at 10:56 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I cant even imagine how you must feel. I had 3 vaginal deliveries and my husband was with me 24 hours a day, he never left my side and the nurses were in my room every 3-4 hours to help and check on me.
    Not sure where you live but it sounds like a horrible place to give birth to a baby. I think you should sit down and really explain all your concerns to your husband. If he loves you then he will wait. You need to think about your health and give your body a chance to heal.

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 10:58 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • You may nee to get a counselor involved. You're having PTSD.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:27 AM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Me too. I had the world's worst delivery with baby number one. REALLY bad. Baby almost died, and had an injury. I almost died too. I had major blood loss and "saw the light." I lived thanks to a skilled dr. I broke my tailbone, couldn't move for a month it seemed. It was bad all the way around.

    We had a second baby- I was fearful too. I talked to my dr. a ton about how we were going to avoid this the second time and we took precautionary measures. You can do the same. Granted, we had a good health system, I have friends in other countries. I understand that. It sounds like you are in a good place for medical now?

    The second can be a completely different experience...take it from me! My second was simple. It was amazing. You can have the same, even with a c-section. It won't be so bad this time. You will schedule the c-section and be prepared. Make arrangements this time in advance for DH to be present. You will be ok.

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:09 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

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