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manipulative ss11, I am blamed for everything..

Suddenly after his father & I got married, the exwife started withholding visitation, blaming me as the ss was apparantly having adjustment problems with me in the home when he's visit his dad.
Now I am being held responsible for all the drama. My husband has filed for a divorce, since that is the only way he will be able to see his kid again.
Now, if I want to save the marriage, I am suppose to kiss ass to exwife and "fix" things with ss so he'll come over for visits. I am not allowed in my own home when he comes.
There is NO abuse, he has no rules, boundaries, or chores when at our home.
Due to some "arguments" between my husband & self that he over heard, he turned this into a big deal that I am mean etc. I see it as he doesn't want to come to see his dad when I am here because I expect some reasonable rules/boundaries.
Husband, exwife & stepson all against me.
I want kid to get on track and come for visitation, only because if he refuses, my husband will divorce me. He has already filed, put it on hold, giving ME "the chance to fix this"
HELP!!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Jan. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Personally, I would leave the husband. Yes it is his son and it's great that he is fighting to see his son but he is doing it in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways. If he views you as the problem then it shows how little he respects you. Children do come first but at what point is it to much? This is a fight I wouldn't personally want to be in and not worth. I would bow out and find someone who would cherish me and respect me, and try to stand up for me as well.
    It just seems he is quick to put the blame on a scapegoat and that is you.

    But this is my own opinion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Wow... I have been in your shoes, and my husband's ex tried to get a restraining order to break us up (before we were ever married)... glad my husband saw her games, backed off, and let the woman stew in her own Shhh.

    I feel bad for you, can't give much advice, just hope you two do not have kids together? IT IS NOT UP TO YOU TO FIX THEIR DRAMA... and if your husband is so mentally slow he cannot see his ex is still ruling his life, let him have her!!! If it isn't you it'll be some other chick in the future, and she is using her kid as a pawn... let them have their disfunction!!!
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 1:02 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Sorry, but any man who won't stand by his wife doesn't need to have a wife.

    But it seems like there is something missing from this. There's got to be more to it.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:03 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • sounds like there's some holes in this story. you say in your post that you want the kid to start visiting "only because if he refuses, my husband will divorce me" so that's the only reason you want this kid around?
    up to you what you want to do, but if your husband has filed for a divorce, then it sounds like your marriage isn't all that to him.

    maybe you should just walk.
    if it turns out like it did with a friend of mine from college, don't be surprised if he goes back to the ex wife and they all end up in the same house again.

    I say cut your losses and get on with your life with a man that really appreciates you. I wouldn't take all this on unless I was confidant about what I meant to my husband. If he's filed for divorce and leaving you to 'fix' this, then I personally would call it a lost cause.
    not saying that you should avoid being a step mom, more that the DH doesn't sound worth it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • you say he's manipulative, sounds like it's working!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 1:04 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Honestly, no offense OP! I'm just trying to wrap myself around it. I'm not saying it couldn't happen. I just can't believe a husband would divorce his new wife over an EX wifes games.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:05 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Well filing for divorce was not his only option he could have filed for enforcement of visitation order........ She can't legally stop visitation because the 11 yr old doesn't like his new step mom....... People would never get to see their kids if that was the case.

    Charis76

    Answer by Charis76 at 1:08 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Sorry hun but it sounds like your soon to be ex has already made that call...he filed for the divorce already BEFORE giving you, the ss and his exwife a chance to work it all through and if it were me that would be enough to tell me where I stand with him...YOU can't FIX THIS one your own everyone needs to be involved setting the rules and boundries so that everyone is on the same page and ss knows that everyone is on the same page so that he is less able to minipulate the situation but if your husband hasn't even tried to make that possible and has already filed for divorce than he has made up his mind already imo and holding it off to give YOU the chance to fix it is some kind of weird stall tactic because that has to be a group effort not a you only effort...good luck
    pregoagain2010

    Answer by pregoagain2010 at 1:09 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Those being your options, this doesn't seem like a fixable and respected relationship from either side. I think there are pieces missing in this..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:11 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Well, your DH needs to stand up to his ex and put that kid in place. I don't say it to say it I have lived it. And it went round and round in my case he went as far to say I kicked him I lost my mind are you kidding me. So I told DH either he made it right or the kid wasn't allowed in my house. You are being to easy stand up for yourself and tell your DH to get some balls. If he won't stand up for you and your marriage then you need to and you may need to think about why he isn't.


     Good Luck ((hugs))

    christinato

    Answer by christinato at 1:27 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

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