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2 Bumps

My 4yo son told me that his 9y0 cousin touched his wee-wee while he was in the bed. I spoke with th 9yo and he says it didn't happen. But my 4yo has graphic detailed info. How do I know who to believe. I know my son and I feel in heart that he is telling me the truth. But I don't want to tell the 9yo that he can't stay over anymore if this is not true. My 4yo knows the difference between the telling truth and not telling the truth.

I do understand that he is only 9... I may have reacted differently if he was a teenager. I did find out that the 9yo was molested when he was 2 or 3 years old. He has also been to a psychiatrist for this.

I have never had any issues with my son about this.

Thanks for any suggestions....

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Jan. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I would always believe my own child over another person...unless that other person has physcial proof to back up their story. I would not allow the child to spend the night ever again, nor would I ever let them be alone playing. Child that have been molested themselves sometimes act that out on other children. They are not doing it maliciously...it is all part of the trauma they have endured themselves. You need to contact the mother of the child and let her know what happened. I would also see what a professional recommends doing about your son, so that he does not suffer ill effects from this incident. It is a very good thing that he came to you and told you this, so you need to handle the situation as calmly as possible.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 3:01 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Why did you ask a 9yo? Did you think he'd say 'oh, right, I forgot to tell you about that'? Srsly.

    The correct steps are: contact the sexual assault team at your local police department and ask them what to do. Then do what they tell you to do.

    So, do that now...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:44 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I wouldn't let them sleep in the same bed. Maybe the 9 year old told your son what happened to him when he was little. If it happens again I wouldn't let him stay over anymore.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 2:43 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • These days, some say 9 is the new 12, so yes, he should be more supervised and might be quite hormonal at this young age of 9. Second, if you know that he has been abused, he is even a higher risk to have around any young child in my opinion. You don't have to ban him from your household, but you do need to be there every breath he takes, watching for the safety and well being of your 4 year old.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:44 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I would think that a 4 yo would not make up something like that, they just don't think up things like that! Plus the fact that the 9 yo was molested makes me believe ur son even more. Better to be safe then sorry! I would no longer allow the two to be together alone!
    PANZONSMOM

    Answer by PANZONSMOM at 2:44 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • A 4 yo would not make up that up
    mommy223326

    Answer by mommy223326 at 2:48 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I agree with everyone that said that you need to consult someone with training on how to handle these situations. I also agree that you don't need to ban him from your household, but the truth is that you need to watch him.
    Your 4 yo told you about this, I'm sure you have trained him that this is not desirable behavior. You need to express to the 9 yo, in a non accusing way, that this behavior is unacceptable and he will be punished if it was ever to happen.
    I would be more cautious yet. I would not allow him to sleep over again, even if I welcome him in the house for the day.
    Dalimonster

    Answer by Dalimonster at 2:50 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Definitely proceed as though your son were telling the truth and act to protect him. Never let the two out of your sight if the nephew is over, and his parents need to know about the accusation as well. Maybe the nephew needs more counseling. Don't sweep this under the rug.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:02 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • So if you already knew this, why would you leave your child alone with him? Don't bring him around him anymore. I believe the mother has a right to know what her child is doing also. I would talk to someone experienced in handling these types of situations.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 2:45 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I agree with Panzonsmom and Lindaclement. I think your son is telling the truth and the 9 year old is afraid. They should not be unsupervised alone.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 2:46 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

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