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12 yr old girl never had friends.....

she's 12 the oldest of four kids and has never had what I consider friends. Her younger sister and brother have more... She never talks about kids at school doesn't want to do extra after school activities, have slumber parties, talk on phone, want to go out like movies mall with people ect.. Has no desire to do hair or male-up.. I have to tell her when to shave... I don't know if it's a mental problem but she literally has never had a friend.. When me n hubby's even sister ask she gets this blank stare like why are we asking... I think she's oddly immature she gallops like a horse and makes up animal stories instead of us doing hair and nails and shopping.... I hate to say it but I can't relate at all to her. The other kids are "normal" so anyone have this problem? And btw no I don't make fun of her I want to help her!


Asked by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I think instead of trying to make her into the 12 year old you think she should be maybe you should try dealing with the 12 year old she is. I mean try talking to her and letting her lead the conversation. I know it is hard to relate to a child that is different when what you think they should be. I just think that maybe she needs you to understand her for who she is and not try to make her something she isn't. This is a very hard age and I know for me with my oldest he would rather be home playing with his younger sister then out with his friends. It is funny because he doesn't really hang out with his friends, although when I went to the school they teachers told me he has lots of friends and is always hanging out with someone.

    If you are really concerned maybe you could talk to her teachers and see what they think.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 3:23 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • oh, don't be silly. there's nothing abnormal about her. You're just comparing her to other people. granted, maybe it would be nice for her to have some friends, but if she's happy with thing the way they are, then give the poor kid a chance to find her own way!

    you can be there for her, and encourage her to talk to other kids, but please don't force her like my mother tried to with me. She tried to get me to hang out with 'good kids'. translation: she didn't like my friends whose skin was darker than mine, and the kids she wanted me to hang with shoplifted.
    she just wanted to go to their big fancy houses.

    she's 12, not 22. just because so many kids are in a hurry to grow up doesn't mean that she has to be the same.
    I'd look into helping if she seems like she's unhappy. other than that, I say let her grow up on her own.

    so what's wrong with writing animal stories anyway? could be a budding author!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 3:27 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • This is an awkward age and if you cannot relate, chances are good, other girls cannot relate and perhaps this kid is a bit of a loner. That's okay. Is she happy? Is her school work good? What things aside of animals is she interested in? Maybe she could volunteer somewhere in a place that interests her. Are there any medical problems at all? Aspbergers?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Could she have low self esteem?

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 3:14 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I would recommend perhaps taking your daughter to see a therapist to see if there isn't some reason as to why she hasn't developed friendships at this age.

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 3:49 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I was that 12yo. Just leave her alone. The more you bug her about it the crappier she will feel. She could just be a natural loner. She might have depression or anxiety (in which case I suggest therapy--at least try it out...that was me when I was that age). She might just not relate to kids her own age. I was constantly teased and looked at oddly because my best friend was 5 years younger than me. When it came to relating to people I was "immature". At 12 I had no interest in make-up, boys, dating, clothes, celebrities like other 12yo girls. I wanted to play Barbies and watch cartoons. My best friend was 7 and we got alone great. We did everything together. But constantly being told I was "wrong" to want to do those things and have that friend really screwed up my self esteem and sure didn't help my depression any. She is who she is, don't try to make her something she isn't.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 1:20 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Why on earth would anyone tell a child to shave before they're conscious of body hair, or care?

    Perhaps, she's happy in herself? If she is not suffering, why are you trying to help her suffer? If you want a friend, go make one.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:10 PM on Jan. 18, 2011