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normal marriage times?

me and my husband have finally confessed that we both are not happy and havent been happy for a while now and we discussed what we want to fix and we decided were going to work on it together. it bothers me that it took us this long to get it out.
weve been together for 4 years, married for 1, is this a normal stage when your married? how am i supposed to act or feel about it? it makes me sad that we've gotten this bad. how have many of you who've been married for a while deal with it? is this one of those things we have to figure out as a married couple now? how do you deal with hard times? im so new to this, i dont get it.
i hope im making sense...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Nov. 13, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I agree that you have to open up to each other. Sometimes things drift away in everyday life. When my husband and I had our first serious problem it was the first time we really took the time to talk. I let him know that he could talk to me if he's worried about something and he can trust that I'm not going to go crazy on him. Sometimes I think men are afraid to talk because they worry about our reaction or they feel like they have failed us in some way. I learned that I need to appreciate him more. I also learned that I wasn't happy with myself. I wasn't the person he married so how could I expect him to still be happy. Now I'm getting back to who I used to be fun, energetic, not worried about every little thing, thinner, etc. There's a lot more passion in our relationship now because we appreciate each other more. I'm happier and he's happier.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Communication is key. I don't mean you have to talk about your feelings every minute but when something is bothering you you both need to speak up. First you have to decide what is just a minor irritant and what really could become an issue. Then talk. Something made you want to be together four years ago and decide to get married. My husband and I separated before we were married a year. But we worked on it and have just passed our 15th anniversary. It's not always romance and sunshine but it is always hard work. Good luck.
    AuntieM

    Answer by AuntieM at 1:53 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • i think it's normal to go through changes. life is like that. Try to focus on the positives and what's happening now. i think it's fantastic that even with the unhappy feelings that you still had the ability to communicate with each other, be honest with each, and be committed to your marriage. since you know that the length of time bothered you, i would recommend that if you have not already done so work out a plan to make sure it doesn't happen that way again. sounds like maybe there might have been some expectations about marriage that didn't happen and there is disappointment. i've been married 6 mos and it's been tough. I keep hearing the first year is the hardest. It is so worth it though.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:58 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I think marriage is all about what can you give to one another... I have been married for almost 6 years, and each 6 months or so we'll get into a big O fight, which I always end up laughing because it's a nervous habit, but anyway... Definately, the FIRST YEAR is an adjustment... It'll take ya a while to get into the hang of things, don't worry. Find your groove and get with it, you'll be a pro at this married business in no time... Have a Good Day!
    bun-n-ma-oven

    Answer by bun-n-ma-oven at 2:19 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • i have been married for just under 2yrs. we had a long talk not long after our 1st wedding anny. we were able to work things out. but marriage isnt a one time fixer upper. you have to constantly work at it... it has been an uphill battle... but i find comfort knowing my husband is right there with me... holding my hand the whole time
    IGotLuckyInKy

    Answer by IGotLuckyInKy at 2:24 PM on Nov. 13, 2008