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3 Bumps

Oh can I break this news gently??? adult content

I just found out that I expecting my 3rd child. This pregnancy was highly unexpected, as our son is under a year old and we were using protection. We're happy now that it's occurred, but we'd intended to wait at least 3+ years before trying for another baby. I have a friend who has been trying to at least 6 years to conceive. Recently, she lost a baby at 16 weeks and was absolutely devastated. It was the only pregnancy she'd ever had in all that time. She knew we were NOT having any more kids for a long time, so she finally confided in me that every time I or someone else would get pregnant, it broke her heart even though she was happy for us. Like...really devastated her. I guess she felt safe sharing because my pregnancy was over and I wasn't having any more for awhile...

Now I have no idea how to tell her. I won't have to right away because we rarely see each other in person...but we chat all the time. Eventually, though, she will notice something is up and I'll have to break the news. It's going to be so hard after her recent loss and knowing how bad she wants a baby...and we have one slip up and boom! How can I make it easier for her? I will understand if she needs distance from me, I'm not worried about that...I just don't want to hurt her. :-(

Asked in this section because some of you may understand her feelings better than I do.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Trying to Conceive

Answers (16)
  • Sorry...didn't mean to flag this for adult content!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:28 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I would wait till you are a few months along to tell her. She's your friend I'm sure she'll be happy for you.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:29 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • She'll be sad but happy. Sad that she is having such trouble, yet happy for her friend. I'd tell her in person. Tell her right up front that you are having another baby, don't say anything at this point about it being unexpected, this would only add salt to her wounds. She'll probably congratulate you. Thank her. Tell her softly that you know this is difficult for her and that you know she wishes you well. Sit quietly and let her talk if she wants to.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:35 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Wow, that's a tough one. I was in your friends position years ago. I had several miscarriages trying to conceived my second baby, and I couldn't go to christenings or baby showers or feel happy for anyone pregnant. Tread carefully. Def wait a while to tell her, until she has some distance from her miscarriage. Then tell her matter of factly. Tell her you understand it may be difficult for her to hear, and that you don't expect her to be overjoyed for you. But you felt she should know. DON't tell her you are pregnant by surprise. That will just be salt in her wounds. GL

    Answer by Inloveagain at 5:39 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • well, i understand your situation...from HER point of view. And if i heard it told to me just like you stated it on here, i would be happy for you, but also think highly of you for being considerate of my feelings about the issue. Say to her what you said on here. You're a thoughtful person. Thank you.

    Answer by boobarandbell at 5:40 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I was more upset when my friends kept it from me. It took me 7 1/2 years to get pregnant with my 2nd. I say go ahead and tell her.

    Answer by MamaCyjo at 5:42 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Congratulations!! I am sorry your friend is having such a hard time. I will pray that her sadness is lifted and she will feel better soon.

    Answer by solitaire3121 at 5:42 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I am not trying to concieve, I just stumbled across your question. I think all these women are right about how you should tell her but not mention that it was a surprise. I would honestly not wait though. However, while time will give her a chance to heal, it might also upset her that you thought you had to keep your exciting news from her! If ya'll are good good friends, she will be happy for you, sad because of her circumstances, but she will want to know right away! I think she would be hurt that you waited so long to tell her and that others knew first! Just my input! I hope it goes well, you sound like a great friend! And congratulations on the pregnancy!!

    Answer by ARast at 6:11 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I have been the one hearing the news from others (when I wasn't getting pregnant) and I have also been the one to tell the news to people that are trying for a baby of their own so I can honestly say that your friend will be happy for you. I would wait until you are a couple of months or once you are showing to tell her. Life does go on and she will have her moments of sadness in the quietness of her heart and when she is alone at home or out and about and thinking about you and your pregnancy, but she will be happy for you :)

    Answer by miraclewaits at 8:28 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I am not TTC but I would think that waiting to tell your friend would be more detrimental; it would seem as if you were trying to keep this news from her and she may be upset about that, regardless of the fact that you obviously care about her feelings and want to protect her from emotional distress. Make sense?

    My advice is to just tell her. Don't tell her that it happened by accident and was unplanned; I think that would rub salt into the wound. Simply tell her that you are pregnant. She will probably be sad but most likely she will say that she is very happy for you. Tell her you understand that this news may be hard for her to hear, but you can't change the facts.

    Be prepared for the possibility that she will feel angry and jealous towards you. Just try to be there for her emotionally regardless; that's what friendship is about.

    Answer by Holly. at 8:32 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

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