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4 Bumps

What chances do I have to adopt a friend's kid?

So.. a friend of mine is having trouble raising all her kids (5) and she has asked me a several times now if I would consider adopting her nine year old daughter. I wasn't taking the situation seriously at first but she is now desperate for help so I told her I will research on the subject. I am a married 23 year old living in Los Angeles and have a 3 year old of my own. I am working as a T.A for the moment and my husband is manager of a local restaurant. Both my friend and her husband are willing to sign up adoption papers but I really do not know what to do. Can anyone help me? I need to know if I will qualify to adopt her and if there are any adoption costs. Thank You all. Have a wonderful day. =)

Answer Question
 
a.zel1988

Asked by a.zel1988 at 5:48 PM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Adoption

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I would call a lawyer, you can usually get a free consultation.
    L0vingMy3Girls

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 5:51 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Is it possible for you to become her legal guardian rather than adopting her? Adoption seems a bit extreme....
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:53 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • she honestly can just PICK one of her 5 kids to give away cause she's having a hard time? sorry... makes me sad..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 6:01 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I'm thinking the same as the first 3 responders combined. A lawyer will usually do an initial consultation for free, no strings attached. I also think a temporary guardianship makes more sense than giving up one of your children, but even that should only be done if there is no other way to keep this family together. How do you think this girl is going to feel about being the ONE who was given up? This is just heartbreaking. I think you should do what you can to find out other possible ways to help your friend. Find out what help might be available to her in your area. Talk to churches and crisis centers.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 6:39 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Thank you all for your responses. I believe in my heart that I have tried my best to keep my friend from giving me her daughter but she keeps insisting that I take her in. She chose her daughter because she spends more time with me than she does with her own family. She is the only girl and everything her parents do are boy-ish stuff since the rest of her siblings are boys. It also breaks my heart to hear from her how much she would rather live with me than with her parents and it makes me feel bad to the point that I don't even want to bring her over my home anymore. But I know that with her parents she is not going to get the quality time she deserves. Either way thanks a lot for the responses once again and I will definitely keep searching and have temporary guardianship in mind.
    a.zel1988

    Comment by a.zel1988 (original poster) at 7:03 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • If you adopt her she will be a legal stranger to her brothers and her parents. She will be issued a new birth certificate with your names listed as her parents and her original birth certificate will be sealed forever. Is this what every body wants? Temporary guardianship does seem like a better option. How does the girl feel about this? Does she seem excited with the idea or hurt?
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:52 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • My mom and dad took over guardianship of my cousin a few years ago. My Aunt and Uncle had to go to court with my mom and dad and my cousin and explain the reasons they were requesting. Everyone had to sign papers. In my Aunt & Uncles case they were couch surfing and my cousin had been bouncing from friend to friend so she could go still make it to school.
    mslksdh

    Answer by mslksdh at 4:25 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • How about try counseling with a professional who can better understand the complexities of the situation. What are her parents' expectation? Do they think they will still get to visit or have input on decisions about her health and well being? I would not automatcally dismiss adoption but nor would I run towards it. With counseling and a plan of transition if you decide to do a guardianship or adoption. Some people really do grow up (I see then in my office) and say I wish my Mama just let my aunt have me or my Godmother because it was discussed. The child can grow up to regret not being adopted. If home life is Hell and you never felt wanted or loved...as an adult you can be bitter and depressed that your parents didn't love you enough to let you go. As some of my patients have said their parents wanted them to suffer by staying right there.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:08 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Oh my goodness, how incredibly sad for that girl! Whatever decision you make, I would take this as a serious cry for help. Parents do not ask friends to do this under ordinary circumstances. I'm going to share a tragic story from the news as an example of a cry for help that was dismissed. Please, nobody think I am suggesting that this could happen in this case. It is just an example. A mom with serious substance abuse issues kept asking social services if she could have her 11 year old son placed for adoption through them. I guess they looked into the home situation, but nothing was done. She ended up killing him. Again, I am NOT suggesting that your friend would do such a thing. It's just an example of a cry for help that was not taken seriously.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:09 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • How could this woman and man give up one child out of 5? I have know single women that raised that many themselves. She should have stopped having children if she didn't want them. Do you know what this will do to the little girl? Forever, she will think why me? Was I bad? I must not be worth loving. I would never be friends with people like that. I know Amish families that have way more kids than that and they finds ways to keep them all. This is making me so mad. I am leaving now.
    Dianakk

    Answer by Dianakk at 9:05 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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