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4 Bumps

what would you/or have you done in my situation? (About my "bedroom" life) adult content

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and I am generally happy with him, I love him very much. We do not have a very great sex life. No romance, or foreplay, or anything sweet or intimate. He says, "wanna have sex?" despite my telling him constantly that I CANNOT get turned on from those three words! He will climb on, do his business, generally leaving me to go without. Usually he cannot finish so he makes me give him a hand-job to get the job done. I'm not the most attractive girl in the world, or the thinnest, but im not terrible looking, or that much over-weight (35 Lbs overweight and I'm 3 months pregnant). It really hurts my feelings when he cannot finish, but wants me to get him off. I tell him it hurts my feelings, but he never really responds. There are certain things in bed that I will not do, and he resents me for it. I have never been much of a "kinky" girl, and to top it off I was raped two years ago, making certain positions mentally impossible for me to do. Sometimes I do the things he wants me to do, because I don't want him to hate me, or start getting it from somewhere else. I do not understand why he cannot or will not take my needs into consideration. Like, I asked him the other night to massage my neck, I work in a preschool, and I am a full time student, I'm pregnant, and i do all of the housework, and cooking for us, and our room-mate. All I wanted was a massage, but he refused! Then, a few nights later he asked me to give him one...I told him HELL NO, after the way he treated me the other night, and he was SO unbelievably mad at me! Another time, I asked him to make us dinner, I was exhausted, had a headache and didn't want to make it or clean it up. I didnt think it was to much to ask since I normally do it. Well, he refused, but proceeded to make himself a sandwich, what the hell?? He works a pretty hard job, but thats it. He comes home, and plays video games or gets toasted with his friends. I come home, and do homework or study for hours, then I go to work on the days I am not in school. He thinks his job is so much more tasking than mine, so I SHOULD be doing all of this work. I don't know how to get through to him that I need his help and compassion. Do you have any advice for me? Has anyone been in this situation before? I am at such a loss...

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Asked by Tarrar at 6:54 PM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,733 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • well, thatl show what kind of father he will be/...smh.
    idk girl, i dont know what to tell you.
    id be a bit concerned. yeah, he works, good for him. everyone works. everyone has a tough day at their job. some work harder than most. but if he CANT HELP YOU OUT, who's to say HE WILL HELP OUT WITH YOUR CHILD? JMO.

    if you arent comfortable doing certain things because of what has happened, and he doesnt respect that, he has issues. he sounds like my ex. i was raped when i was 15 years old. it destroyed me sexually and emotionally. i know how you feel, trust me.

    but the bf sounds like an asshole, please dont take offense to that.
    he sounds like my ex in a sense of being selfish and always wanting but never giving.
    after 5 years of hell and abuse (in every way possible) i finally left his deadbeat ass.

    Answer by JT32606 at 7:00 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Sorry. He just sounds selfish and/or lazy - and I'm not just talking about your "bedroom life" as you put it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • you need to leave he sounds semi abusive..

    Answer by mrssundin at 7:04 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • lady, I've read some nauseating posts lately, but this one has to take the cake!
    'Sometimes I do the things he wants me to do, because I don't want him to hate me, or start getting it from somewhere else'
    let him get it from somewhere else! this man is a creep and sounds like he is terrible in bed!
    I can understand that you love him, but he's a drain on you, and a waste of your time.

    why on earth do you want to keep this guy? what are you really getting out of this relationship? sounds like a big nothing!

    you deserve better than what this guy can give you, and I speak from experience! I'm way more than 35 overweight and my husband can't keep his hands off of me, he thinks I'm a goddess!
    far cry from what my ex told me to expect if I ever left him!
    you don't need this guy, sounds like you'd be better off alone, then you wouldn't have him dragging you down.


    Answer by ItsMe89 at 7:05 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • It sounds to me like you need to ask yourself why are you in this relationship? It doesn't sound like this is new stuff, why have you stayed? You do not deserve to be treated with such blatant disrespect. What do you think it's going to be like once you have your baby? If he hasn't made any move to adapt or adjust his lifestyle by now, it may not ever happen. Your bedroom relationship is not the only thing suffering here. What kind of answers are you looking for, because I think you already know what your going to read here.


    Answer by LadybugTash at 7:12 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • People saying that you need to leave him isnt going to solve the problems, either will the advice, because he truly does sound like an ass hole, a lazy one at that. My husband would work 12 hrs a day at a factory with no a/c in the middle of the summer 5 days a week, and still come home help me with dinner, help me with our son, help with the dishes, give me a massage. Dont get me wrong he was still a dick lol, but it was his life, his house, and his family too, and you cant be expected to do it all, First trimester of pregnancy is the worst i think, sick all the time, tired all the time, he can help you out, I think you should try and give him a news flash, perhaps tell him you need a break, or something big that will freak him out, make his mind race, and finally get him to jump into gear, I cant imagine you doing all of these things by yourself, and having a child to take care of, its exhausting sweetie.. good luck!

    Answer by shannonrenee09 at 7:13 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I agree with "itsme89"... I know its hard but you need to tell him your leaving if things don't change..YOU MATTER, its not just all about him! Plus you preg. which makes it so much more repulsing. You really deserve better no matter how you look you deserve better and CAN get better!

    Answer by 3beautbabies at 7:29 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • Honey, it sounds to me like there is nothing you can do to make him see. And honestly, if he does not care any more about you or your feelings on any of these things including the "bedroom problems" why are you still with him?

    Answer by mommy11260 at 7:48 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • honestly i agree. you should leave him,, there is a better man out there for you.. i know you think he will change but thats what i thought about my daughter sperm donor.. iam in the same boat with you i was prego and going to school and working.. than my best friend kept telling me to leave because he will never change.. finnally he went to jail and i met the best guy ever he helps me raise my daughter, cook, clean, and he works 10 hour days.. good luck hun

    Answer by kyiahsmommy at 1:29 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • he sounds selfish and emotionally unavailable. move on with your life he is not worth it.

    Answer by gwen20 at 5:55 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

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