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2 Bumps

Parenting/Relationship Conflict--Long

My fiance and I and our two little girls (ages 1 and 4) are staying with my parents momentarily until we find a place of our own. So, today my parents approached me while my fiance was at work and said they had a problem with the way my fiance treats our oldest daughter. He teases her and plays with her in a joking way and sort of "winds her up" sometimes and then after he is done playing he is quick to tell her to stop. Which to my parents makes him look mean. I really don't think that he's trying to be mean to her or anything, but they said that the next time they saw him do it that they are going to say something. I feel very much in the middle and know if I say anything at all to my fiance that he will be offended and not want to stay here anymore, and will probably go stay with his parents until we can find a place of our own. Is there a way I can approach this subject in a way that won't make him suspicious or angry at me for stating my opinion on the way he acts with her? My parents think it's going to confuse her because he will taunt her and tease her until she's crying and then when she finally goes along with playing with him, he changes his mind and has said "get away from me." I just don't want to have issues between everyone while we are all living in the same house. IS there a way I can approach this subject and get a positive outcome?
I sort of feel the same way because my fiance often does small things to irritate me even after I tell him 50 times to stop it. Like today he grabbed my ass about 25 times and every time I told him to stop it, or leave me alone, or don't touch me but he kept doing it. I feel like he's stuck in the 6th grade and can't stop teasing/taunting me. He thinks it's funny, but it really pisses me off and he knows it but keeps doing it.
Sorry for the long post, I'm just really frustrated. :-/

Answer Question
 
sugaree

Asked by sugaree at 6:58 PM on Jan. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,457 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I say tell him in a stern way that it really isn't okay and I would let my parents say something because he thinks it's just you it bothers but if he sees it from someone elses perspective he may stop.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 7:02 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • I was going to say the same thing to you, that he sounds really childish, and if you really think about it, its not right for him to do that to her, if he wants her to want to play and tease then he cant act like a child when he doesnt get his way, shes the child, and he should be giving her attention, even despite the fact that he wants to be done. If hes going to be a parent, then you should act like a parent, and a dad wouldnt do that.
    shannonrenee09

    Answer by shannonrenee09 at 7:05 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • If he thinks it is okay to treat you this way then of course he will treat the girl child the same way, bc he doesnot feel that it is an issue. Being a parent really means that you have to treat the children with respect or they will low have self essteem issues. Teasing is not a postivie form of parenting and it is sad she has to put with this from someone who is supposed to be a postive influence in her life.
    Aries46845

    Answer by Aries46845 at 8:39 PM on Jan. 18, 2011

  • AAAAAAHHHHH ?????

    FIX THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Before you marry him !!!!
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 1:44 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • he sounds childish imo. i would bring up the issue about teasing the child because it is not right, i would leave your parents name out of it though because u do not want him getting mad at them. if after u talk to him he storms out and goes to his parent's place that is too bad ... maybe he will have some alone time to sit and think about his actions.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 5:46 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Your parents are right, he IS being mean and childish. The fact that he can't take criticism without getting defensive and stomping off doesn't say much to help either. You need to be the one to say something to him about natural consequences, and that if he really wants to try to deal with getting people irritated and riled up, he needs to learn to deal with people being irritated and riled up. I admit I find it disturbing that he has a mentality that he should have the right to behave however he wishes but others have no right to react.
    mandaday

    Answer by mandaday at 6:18 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

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