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Why does my boyfriend have a problem with me being close to my family?

I have 2 sisters I am extremely close with. We live in the same neighborhood and we see each other every day. We spend a lot of time together and we have an amazing relationship.

I have been dating that guy for 7 months. When he met my sisters they all said they liked each other. And my sisters still do. But he said he thinks I spend way too much time with them and they are a bigger part of my life than they should. He said because I am 28 I shouldn't be so close with them and we (the sisters) should learn to live without seeing each other every day.

I do spend a lot of time with them, but they are my sisters, I don't see what is wrong with having a good relationship with them. And it's not like I don't spend time with him as well, but I haven't introduced him to my DD yet so he can't be around all the time. I think it bothers him that my sisters can.

Now every time I talk about them or every time they call me while I'm with him, he get annoyed. What do you think I should do? Of course I'm not going to change my relationship with my sisters, but do you think there is anything I can say to him or should I break up with him because of it? Why do you think he feels that way?

 
mygirlpaige

Asked by mygirlpaige at 11:02 AM on Jan. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,664 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Honestly, sounds like jealously and what an awful thing for him to be jealous about. I think its amazing to have this relationship with your sisters. I wouldnt stay with him if he doesnt like me to be with my family. Thats unacceptable.

    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 11:08 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • He knows your sisters are a big part of your life he needs to accept that or move on. Neither of you should have to give up family or friends to be in a relationship. Kudos to you for not bringing him around your child yet. I know too many women who introduce their kids to every single guy they date and it is really hard on them.
    FricknFrack

    Answer by FricknFrack at 11:10 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I think the fact that you and your sisters love each other so much is amazing - many siblings hate each other's guts!

    I would try to explain to him how important your sisters are to you and your daughter and if he doesn't understand, that's his problem. You could keep seeing him and just deal with his drama every day, but I wouldn't do that. What if you get marrie and he doesn't want your sisters visiting that often? It sounds to me like it has to end sometime and I would end it soon before I fall for him (more).

    GL
    mysevenkids

    Answer by mysevenkids at 11:07 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Seems that he may have control tendencies. Be careful.
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 11:10 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • One of the goals of public school, specifically the age-segregation in public schools, is to break the bonds of family relationships and make the friendships among peers much, much more important --it's a rule of society in schools that it is shameful to want to spend time with anyone younger (it makes you a loser), but you're cool if you get to hang out with the Big Kids.

    For some kids, this social conditioning is much, much more effective, with them walking out the other end KNOWING that it is wrong, shameful and possibly evil to have any desire at all to ever spend any time with family, especially if you don't Have To. It makes you a suck, a baby, a momma's boy, or just a dork.

    He doesn't want to think he's dating a loser, and he is probably envious of how many people in your life clearly like you and seek out your company (hence the criticism of it).

    I would change nothing --let him decide if it's a breakpoint issue.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:14 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I agree with LindaClement!!! He sounds like he might be a bit controlling. You shouldn't have to choose between your family and your boyfriend. Be careful!!
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 11:31 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Thank you ladies, I think you're all right.

    @FricknFrack - I have to be really really sure a guy will stay in my life in order to introduce him to my daughter. It's not that I don't trust him with her, it's just that I don't want her getting close to people she's going to have to say goodbye to :) Thank you for your comment :)
    mygirlpaige

    Comment by mygirlpaige (original poster) at 11:14 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Honestly, after 7 months, if you aren't sure enough about him to introduce your DD yet, you need to move on. As far as your relationship with your sisters, eh, he either needs to deal with it or move on.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 11:39 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I think it is great that you are so close to and have such a good relationship with your sisters. As for the boyfriend, it sounds like he could be jealous, or he could have control issues. He did know you were close to them, and he should not expect you to change your relationship with them because of him. I would sit him down and tell him that he knew you and your sisters were close, and you will not change this. So he has 2 choices...#1 he can accept your sisters and their place in your life or #2 he can move on and find someone else.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:36 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • There is more than thing that sounds wrong here. If you've been together for so long and he still has not met your daughter then I have to wonder if you're serious about him. Also, it's okay to spend time with your family but at 28 to spend so much time with them that you can't have a life with a man, who you already can't see much becuase you don't want him around your daughter, again I have to wonder how serious you are about having a relationship with any man. It's okay to be close to family but there is close then there is enmeshed. People generally grow up, meet someone and while they don't love their family less, parents, siblings, etc., shouldn't be the people who have most of you time. That should be children and SO, spouse, whatever.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Jan. 19, 2011