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how would you react to finding out that your hubs has been using a Internet Activity Surveillance program that was bougth to moniter your childrens internet activity, to spy on you

My hubs kept confronting me indirectly and sometimes directly about emails that i have sent, my vents about him, or people i had been conversing with over the net. and i could not figure out how he was gettin this info cuz i used the private browsing app when im on the internet but day after day he would confront me about things that i knew where for my eyes only. Come to find out he installed an Internet Activity Surveillance program and had been watchin all web activity on our home PC for who knows how long. WTF!!!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Jan. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • I would say that if he was spying on youm then he may have a guilty concience himself. Not saying that he is cheating but it is a characteristic of a cheater to spy on their mate to redirect the blame.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:52 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • LOL! I would say, "man I hope you thoroughly enjoy reading all those Cafemom questions"!

    Seriously, he'd be bored to death. There's no chance he'd ever do that to me anyway, but still, the idea is funny!

    Answer by m-avi at 11:53 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Sounds really jealous and controlling. If he can't control his behavior, I would be out of there. You can't live like that the rest of your life. If you haven't given him reason to "doubt" you, then what is he looking for? An excuse to hound you? Trust me when I say that this could only be the beginning of a real nightmare.

    Answer by Kimimale at 11:53 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • My BIL did this to my SIL because he was feeling guilty for the things he was doing. It was his own insecurities that finally ended the marriage, though in his mind, it was all her fault. Like Jademom07 says, redirected blame.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • If it was meant for your children, I don't see a problem with it. And personally, I don't see why you would be having things to hide from your husband at all. When I am on the computer, if I'm wanting to do something or say something I don't want others to see or know about, I just don't do it. It'll save your ass in the long run if you just opt out of that decision. BUT, if he got the monitor for YOU then there would be a BIG problem. Unless you've given him reason to think you're cheating and he's doing it just to find out the truth, then that's just unacceptable. You're not 12.

    Answer by AtHomeMommy-3 at 11:56 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Not married anymore, but if it had been my ex I'd have ripped him a new one. Especially considering some of the stuff I deleted off our HD when we divorced. YUCK!

    PP was right about cheating spouses liking to deflect the blame. My ex accused me ALL the time of flirting with other men, looking for something on the side. I never did, was never even tempted to until we were splitting up. (And I *STILL* never did, just thought about it.) But he convinced himself that I was, so that he didn't feel so bad about his tomcatting around.

    Answer by geminilove at 11:56 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I would laugh.  Honestly.  I am nosy myself so even if I wouldn't go that far I wouldn't be upset.  That doesn't mean I think that you shouldn't be upset.  If you feel like your privacy has been invaded then you should feel like that.  What do you plan on doing about it?


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:57 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I would be a bit mad and I would sit him down and ask him, as calmly as you can, why he thinks he needs to check on what you are doing all the time. Depending on his answer and reaction he is either very controlling or has something to hide. Good luck !!

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 11:58 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • well you know that is illegal now right? did you read about the man facing felony charges for reading his wife's email?

    Answer by december911 at 11:59 AM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Honestly, I'd laugh and think it's a joke or something. I have nothing to hide and anything I say or do on the computer I would say right to his face. If my husband wants to spy on me he's more than welcome to =) Maybe he'll learn something new, especially from CafeMom.

    Answer by Nanixh at 12:00 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

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