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5 Bumps

My 24 year old daughter just moved in

She has not spoken to me for 5 months and has my heart my 2 year old grandson, she is trying to get her life back together and we are finally headed down the right road, no arguing so far, have a prob. Her fiance comes to the house everyday and stays till about 2am, I am not allowing him to move in he also lives with his parents, I also have a 17 year old daughter whom knows on school nights boys are to be gone at 10 and weekends by 12. I don't know how to tell her without pissing her off, its my house and it's my rules but it has gotten out of hand and definitely not fair to the 17 year old and suggestions?

 
buttonlts

Asked by buttonlts at 2:06 PM on Jan. 19, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 21 (11,115 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I understand that you don't want to piss her off but you also can't be walking on eggshells because you don't ever want to tell her something she doesn't like. If things are on the right path then you should be able to sit and discuss issues and concerns and she should be adult enough to accept your rules. What you are asking is a perfectly reasonable request.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 2:18 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I would just come out and say it.. If she's mature, she will understand. When she wants to be adult enough to support herself THEN she can dictate when your boyfriend leaves.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:07 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I would lay down the rules. Simple as that. Just be calm and tactful when telling her that you are still raising another child and as a mom herself, that you hope she understands why you have these rules in place.
    usdragonflies

    Answer by usdragonflies at 2:08 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • That's tough! I mean your daughter is 24. She is a grown woman with a child. But then again she is living under your roof. I would tell her that you don't feel comfortable with him staying at the house until 2am.
    Snewo

    Answer by Snewo at 2:08 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Her fiance can come in the day time. I don't know if it is fair, your 17 year old does not have a kid and is not engaged so I think this is not about fairness. Even if he moved in, they have a child together, lol if your 17 year old is trying to argue that she is trying to get over on you/ any way, but as for the guy coming over, say you'd rather him come over in the day time because you don't want people in and out all night, safety reasons./
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 2:10 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I would have a meeting and sit her down and have a list of house rules. It is your house and you have another dd who is a teen that you are raising so you have to have her follow the rules. I would ask her if she can and will follow the rules. If she agrees she can stay if not she can leave she is 24. I wouldn't budge on the rules either and I wouldn't be afraid of her reaction, if she gets pissed then maybe you aren't on the road you think you are.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 2:12 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I set down the rules before my older son moved back home. One of them was that on week nights there would be no guests after 10pm (my husband gets up early for work, and the younger boys have school), and that he must be in by 10pm, or call to let us know he was staying with a friend( he didn't have a child). On weekends we were more flexible, but at least wanted a phone call by midnight so we didn't worry, and guests could stay until 12:30....unless that interfered with our own plans.

    It is your home, and you do need to be able to be comfortable in your own home. Even though she's 24, if she doesn't have her own place, she has to follow your rules.

    It's much easier to bring up the rules if you do it before they move in, but I would sit down with your husband, and make a list of the rules of the house, so that she knows what they are.

    Good Luck!!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:22 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Tell she has to set an example you have a tyeenager in the house and we all have rules to live by. Don't let her use her child to get what she wants from you.
    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 2:10 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Sure, you don't want to piss her off, but again - adult or not, she must respect your rules if she is living under your roof and you need to talk to her like an adult. Tell her that you love that her fiance is spending time with her here at your house, but the he's got to leave by midnight as it isn't fair to those others that are living in the house for hims to stay til 2am.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:48 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I would compromise to 12 on the weekdays and 1 on the weekends. Don't they have to get up and work? When do they sleep?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 2:11 PM on Jan. 19, 2011