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This is sooo wrong of me! adult content

In the past i have cheated on my boyfriend multiple times we have been together for 9 years and have a great son. When he asked me why i cheated my answer was this " because i could since you didnt care" and the truth is the first time i did i told him and he didnt have much of a reaction so i didnt think he loved me so i did it again and again and told him about it every time! I know im wrong for what ive done but is it crazy for me to honestly feel i did it because i WANTED a reaction from him to know that he loves me? Trust me i know how stupid i sound right now! Things are great and i would never do that to us again im just doing some soul searching right now i guess! Even worse, I would end our relationship if he EVER cheated on me. But thats my choice, just like it was his choice to stay with me, i didnt make him. So i dont feel like i should be ridiculed for it. He could have left.

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simonsmama2022

Asked by simonsmama2022 at 2:33 PM on Jan. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (470 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Yah.. you make me sick. I feel bad for your poor DH.. he obviously loves you or he wouldn't have given your cheatin ass chance after chance.  You need to woman up and realize what the hell you want & quit hurting him already!

    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:36 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I don't even know how to respond except to say that you went into this relationship knowing how he shows his feelings so you cannot hold it against him that he doesn't show them the way you want him too.

    He may never show them that way. So, either get used to cheating and hope he never leaves or you need to settle for the fact that he shows his feelings in a way that is not enough for you and move on.

    Poor guy but he is putting up with you even so.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:36 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • he sounds like a good guy to stay by your side stick with him you dont get meny good guys like that x
    rach28uk

    Answer by rach28uk at 2:37 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • WOW! He has to be a hell of a man to stand by you over and over again. Maybe you should tell him you would like some angry from your affairs. A reaction to his disapproval.

    sheer_heart

    Answer by sheer_heart at 2:38 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • My personal thoughts based on what you have shared here.

    Yes, it most definitely sounds as if you were cheating in order to get something from your BF.. That something.. A reaction.. A show of love. A show of jealousy. A show of desire. A show of you being his and only his and that's the way he wants it and expects it to be.. You wanted reassurance. Reassurance that he loves you, and what's not only to be committed to you but also for you to be committed to him (and him alone). You wanted a show of love, of possession..

    You have a need to have his love shown to you in very absolute ways. You need to feel that he sees you as his, his alone, and that he does not want to share. These needs can be filled in other ways though. You can begin to fill them by giving absolute love to him. Love begins and originates within us,not from the outside. From there, tell him what you view as him showing love so he knows how to show it.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:38 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Wow. I would leave if my dh ever did anything to me like that. And he would do the same.
    sunsetbeach81

    Answer by sunsetbeach81 at 2:40 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Soul searching?  Then at least be honest.  You blame him for YOUR cheating.  It is your responsibility and your fault, own it.  Noone is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but lets be adult enough to say "hey I messed up." 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 2:40 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Each and every person views love, feels love, interprets love and affection in different ways.If your BF has never shown you those things in the manner in which you feel them/view them/interpret them, then you would feel like he does not show you those things.. He needs to know how you view/interpret love & affection, so that when he is acting on his feelings you fully understand the INTENTIONS behind his actions.. If we do not understand the intentions behind someone's actions, then in many cases we do not "get" the action.We do not see what that person is trying or intending to do. So, we completely misread the action.That can (and in most cases does) create issues for both partners. One feels that they are not shown love and affection So in turn they feel hurt and resentful. The other feels they show love and affection but it isn't appreciated or acknowledged . So they in turn feel hurt and resentful. Communication is key
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:42 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Do your SO a favor and just leave. Not only are you hurting him but you're hurting your son. You're being selfish. You don't deserve your SO.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:42 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I don't condone what you did. There is no justification for cheating what so ever. Him staying with you should've been enough of a reaction for him to show that he loves you. People who don't love a partner usually don't stay with that person. I think you were excusing yourself for cheating and that was the biggest issue at the moment. However, the truth is, is that there isn't any excuse for cheating at all. If your partner isn't giving you what you need/want out of the relationship then you shouldn't be with them. Cheating on them isn't going to make someone change, see the light, or suddenly be what you want. It'll only harbor resentment, hate, and mistrust. He may be with you, but what do you think he thinks about you now that you've continuously cheated on him? Now that you've showed over and over again you cannot be trusted, how do you think he feels about you deep down inside? Probably not the love he felt at the start.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:43 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

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