Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My fiance does not listen to me in regards to his three children, I would like to know what other women would do in this situation........

He does not discipline his children at all. He allows them to continually get away with disrespecting me ....i feel like i try everything possible to make our weeknds with them work......im going crazy!!!I have a nine year old daughter that lives with my older brother and i will have her back soon and if things dont change areound here i dont think i can stay....i need advice on how to handle this situation

 
lovemykids2011

Asked by lovemykids2011 at 4:25 PM on Jan. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (65 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • He should be the man and stick up for you if they are disrespecting you. If he won't listen to your concerns, then you need to get out. It is only going to get worse. If the kids are that poorly behaved, then my guess is they will make everyones life miserable as they get older. They know they can manipulate their Dad. Bad news.
    collier5

    Answer by collier5 at 4:29 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • If you cannot find common ground with your fiance on this issue, then you should not be marrying him. Do you really want to be a step mom to three unruly kids who disrespect you & be married to their father who lets them?

    You need to tell him that if there is no compromise & if things don't get better, then you cannot marry him. It's your choice though, but ultimately, anon is right, you're not their mother & cannot demand respect from them if their own father refuses to pitch in and discipline his kids.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:30 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Oh yeah, "your not the mom" really helps huh.  His children should respect her regardless.  I would have a sit down with your fiance and tell him exactly whats on your mind.  Use examples of things that his children have said/done that you don't agree with. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 4:28 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • You're right anon she isnt' the mom but the kids should still be expected to respect her. Other than talking with him about it and possibly talking with the kids there isn't much you can do. It should be made clear what the rules are in your house (meaning yours and fiancees) and he needs to be the disciplinarian. It took me forever to make my ex realize that he needed to be the one to discipline and take care of them not me and once he stepped up the kids got a lot better towards me.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 4:30 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Yup, sounds like you better have a talk with your fiance/ their father! These kids may disrespect him and he allows it but, if it's not good with you, then your gonna have to make it very clear, otherwise nobody's gonna be happy! Good luck!
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 4:35 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • you need to have a sit down with your fiance and make a list of house rules and consequences....you are both going to have to give a bit, but agree on them together....write them down and post them on the fridge or somewhere easily seen. the next time the kids come over, explain to them the house rules and what consequences they will have if they break a rule. this way its not making you look like the bad guy' these are house rules not evil stepmommy rules....your going to have to get you fiance to make an effort to stick to it to though.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 4:41 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I got married to a man with a child and it was the same thing she was very disrespectful and had no rules at all. It is very, very hard to go into a situation like that. If I had known how it was going to be I wouldn't have married him. I love him dearly but I would have kept my own place and continued to see him but not married him and become the "stepmother". If it is bad now it WILL only get worse. And if there is an ex wife that is insecure about the situation it will be hell. I never tried to replace the mom or be the mom I just thought I deserved to be treated as a human being not like an outcast in my own home. But that is the way it has been and my dh said over and over again that things would change but he never did make it happen. She's 13 now and regrets never putting his foot down because she is that way to everyone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • And just because I can't keep my mouth shut, the first posting is a complete ass, no doubt a bitter ex wife who needs get over the divorce and move on. Saying the kids don't have to respect you because you are not the mom is the same as saying the kids don't have to respect ANYONE that is not their bio parent and that is ABSURD. Stepmoms have a BAD rap. We have to take on someone else's kids and have NO authority over them. A babysitter has more authority over a child than a stepmom sometimes. If you end up marrying this man, you will be his WIFE, which makes you part of his kid's family, whether the ex wife wants to accept it or not. I never got these bitter ex wives...you'd think they'd be happy that there's another person that wants to love their kids, but no, we're the enemy. Crazy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • dad doesnt want to dicipline because he feels bad about what happened when him and the ex split up, so he wants to look like the good guy. but disrespecting you is way wrong, my step kids will not disrespect me ever and hubby stands by that. when you get married your husband to be needs to put your first kids second, if mom and dad cant get along then the whole house will fall.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 5:10 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I agree with the above posters, except for the first.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 4:34 PM on Jan. 19, 2011