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What is a good age to have the "sex talk"? How should we refer to their body parts?

Our oldest two children are 9(dd) and 10(ds) and my dh and I are trying to prepare ourselves for this talk, but are nervous at the same time. How do we start the conversation? Should we give the the "basics" or should we get into detail? We definitely want to talk to them before they hear it "in the street", but we're not sure that at 9 & 10, they're old enough or ready to learn and know these things. I'm really confused because this will be our first time having this conversation with them and want it to go smoothly so that they are comfortable (and they don't sense us being uncomfortable) and know they can come to us anytime with whatever questions they may have. Please don't judge or bash us as we're looking for advice.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Nov. 13, 2008 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Start with the basics, then if they are asking questions you can go into detail. Always always always use the correct terms/words. You can get books (age appropriate) to help you through. Good luck!!

    Answer by AnnHenderson at 3:53 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • So do you think they're too young, should we wait maybe another year or two? My DH and I go back and forth on this question and one minute we agree they need to know now and then we change our minds. HELP HELP!!!!!!


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • My mother "talked" to me and my sister when we were 8 yrs old. It should be okay to use the correct names for the body parts. I have always used the correct names with my son and he is 7. I'm thinking that if they are 9 and 10, they've already heard some stuff so, it is a good time for you to step up and tell them what they need to know.

    Answer by Avon_Calling at 4:00 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I think the earlier you start the better. My son is only three and has some special needs so I haven't started with him yet. He knows that he has a penis and a butt, and that they make pee and poop, but that's it right now. Like I said, just start off basic, and check out book stores and library's for books. I've seen some at Barns and Noble, I'm sure they have them everywhere! Good luck!!!

    Answer by AnnHenderson at 4:04 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I had this talk with my daughter when she was 10. She handled it very well and it didn't seem awkward. I suggest talking to them separately. That might help with the awkwardness. We drew pictures and talked about what she could expect to happen over the next few years. Just make sure that when you approach it you are sure of what you have to say and don't let them know if you are nervous. They will catch on to that and then it will become awkward.

    Answer by sillyt at 4:06 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Thank you ladies for your advice, I appreciate it. I'll let you know how things go!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Um they have probably heard about it somewere, like the playground.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Yes, there is a good chance that they already know a lot more than you think they do. But you should still talk to them about it so that they know you are open to talking about it with them. Also, they may have some questions about some stuff they have heard and it will be good if they can get honest answers from their parents.

    Answer by AliMom714 at 6:08 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • My son was 8 when my sister got pregnant and wanted to know hoe the baby got in and said "and don't tell me the stork!" I told him I was not sure how I wanted to explain it to him give me a couple days and went to the book store. There is a large variety of childrens books about where babies come from, just look through them in the store with out the kids before you buy one. I am very liberal and I thought some of them were close to pornographic! Also remember the least amount of info to answer their questions so you don't get too far ahead of their curiosity.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 6:58 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • (mother to 11 and almost-9 year old boys and 1.5 year old girl)

    i completely agree with having the talk SEPARATELY. and i would do it soon.

    i'm liberal myself. when they ask questions, i tell them a little bit, then ask if they want to know more. i don't think we've had the mechanics talk yet, but we've talked about why people have sex (love, commitment, feels good, make babies) and how to prevent knocking up little girls. i've had the condom talk repeatedly and i will continue to have it as often as i can squeeze it into conversation!


    Answer by MamaBear1001 at 4:51 PM on Nov. 17, 2008