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my mother is ebabling my daughter

I am a young mom (had my daughter @ 17)
Now my daughter is almost 15 years old. Early last year she was caught "sexting" (no images, language only) with one boy; cell phone was taken away.

2 months after, I had to pick her up from her school dance as she was caught kissing another boy. She was grounded the entire summer. End of summer, I find out that while staying at her grandmother's house (my mother), she was still seeing and talking to this boy WITH my mother's permission; they kept it a secret from me!

Just earlier this week, I discovered that she has another "boyfriend" who she met in our church Youth Ministry group, she has been using a cell phone that my MOTHER provided to her behind my back, and she's been texting and Facebooking from this phone.

On top of all this, she lies not just to be able to get away with things, but she makes up stories for the sake of getting attention.

I have had numerous conversations with her about honesty, self-respect, self-love, respect for others, and most importantly embracing who she is and not pretending to be someone she isn't, all to no avail.

Short of cutting off the relationship between my mother and my daughter, I don't know what else to do to stop this. I am heartbroken. Am I alone?

 
Beebumbles

Asked by Beebumbles at 8:02 PM on Jan. 19, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (42 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I think its great that you are concerned for you daughter. However, as scary as it is "sexting" is now a very popular thing among teens today! I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR NOT WANTING HER TO DO THIS! But, unless if you plan to keep her phone from her forever she will probably end up doing it!
    As for your Mother -- I would keep your daughter away from her as much as possible, but I wouldn't tell her why!!! I would try to get her involved in a sport or dance team....this may help her self confidence/self respect. If you tell you daughter/mom why you are "seperating" them you are again the bad guy. If you are just "keeping your daughter busy" there's no room for drama. You can't be the bad guy for trying to create a more well rounded child :D
    CayShek

    Answer by CayShek at 10:13 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Sounds like you all might need some FAMILY COUNSELING!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:57 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Stop letting her go to your mothers until THEY can follow your rules. Talk to both of them at the same time.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:52 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I think you need to talk to your mother she is definitely encouraging this behavior & if your daughter has someone that's willing to help her hide it she will continue to do it no matter what you say.

    Marie_07

    Answer by Marie_07 at 8:17 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • you grounded her for an entire summer for kissing a boy? Hate to say it, but
    no wonder she is lying and hiding things- going behind your back...

    That however does not excuse your mom for allowing it
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:39 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • sorry- guess I misunderstood...

    talk to your mother and explain WHY you don't want your daughter doing these things

    good luck!
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:36 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I think you said you talked to your daughter. Have you talked to your mother.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:05 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Yes, I have spoken to her several times as well and her usual response is basically "who are you to talk"? (because I got pregnant so young and I was a troublesome teen too) ... and my response has always been that while I acknowledge what I was as a teen, that is exactly what I am trying to keep my daughter from becoming ... I want her to be better than me ... I wonder sometimes if my mother does what she does as some sort of "revenge" because she's still bitter towards me, even to this day ...
    Beebumbles

    Comment by Beebumbles (original poster) at 8:19 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • When your mother says "who are you to talk?" be honest and say "the one who had a baby at 17 and doesn't want to be a grandmother at 34. I want better for my child than I did for myself." and go on from there. You could also tell her that this is how you started and ask if she has plans of being a great-grandmother in the next few years. It might jolt her into reality.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:08 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Thank you ladies, you're all awesome.

    Sadly, counseling only works when all involved parties are willing to participate, and my old school mother doesn't even believe in the field of psychology/couneling.

    I didn't ground her an entire summer just for kissing a boy. That would make me somewhat of a hypocrite wouldn't you say? That came from an entire school year's worth of consistent reprimanding for inappropriate behavior and more importantly, a 13 yo has absolutely no business "SEXTING." The kiss alone wouldn't have been anything but hopefully you can see now that the kiss ended up being the icing on the cake. Thanks for your honesty though.

    Beebumbles

    Comment by Beebumbles (original poster) at 5:23 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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