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3 Bumps

how do i talk to my grown daughter who is 28 ?

my daughter and i use to be best friends and i raised her not to be materialistic .She is married to a vain man who i have always treated as family who once was happy that we were best of friends .There was a falling out and she did not see me for like three months of course she was drinking when this accord .Her husband does not like my boyfriend .Things kinda got a bandaide put on them .Like 8 months ago my sister passed away and my daughter decided that would be a good time to be mad at me because i did not go to my step grandsons birthday party and i have never missed one .I was sad and had anxiety.Her in laws are excused if they do not make it .I still feel very uncomfortable when she is around because i am not allowed to share my feelings about how i feel so i find myself digging in the closet for things to talk about that are acceptable to her .After she leaves i find my self crying because im so sad about were our realationship is .She seems to live in a perfect world .But we all know better then that .I find it much easier if i dont see her at all and this is alful i love her so much and it breaks my heart to feel this way .Everything in her life is how beautiful she is ; the cloths the makeup the gym and look at all the guys looking at me .Sje always has to look her best its the only way her husband notices her .He says stuff to his friends my wife is so hot she can dance flirt with other guys he told her once he would come watch if she wanted to be a stripper .Help were is my sweet daughter i raised who cared about others who are not perfect .

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on Jan. 19, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (6)
  • She is still there. Just hang in there. Hopefully she will be back.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:08 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • sounds like a difference in opinions.
    my mother is like this too, she hears things my husband says, completely misenterprets them, then tells me how devistated she is.

    i have a lot of food allergies, and for whatever reason my mother doesn't listen when I tell her I can't eat certain things.
    on one trip she tried to put things that would kill me on my plate, dangerous if I even touched it. My husband came along and stopped her. She turned that into 'he's controlling and trying to tell you what to eat. '
    got forbid he didn't want me to end up in the ER.

    as for you missing the birthday, did you tell her that you were upset and couldn't make it? sounds like one way or another she doesn't understand. maybe she will in time.

    as for how she looks, there is nothing wrong with being proud of your looks, or wanting to take care of yourself.
    I'm sorry you are upset, but I think you are possibly being unfair as well.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 8:21 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • i really dont think you understand the sitituation i never interfear in my kids lives and do not get in the middle of there problems .Your story has nothing to do with mine . But thank you for your time and input .
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:44 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Honey, it sounds like you might be battling with depression for one. As for the rest, you need to step back and let her live her life. Unfortunately, she's an adult and is allowing her life to revolve around her husband. This is as it should be.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:53 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • A daughter is not supposed to be a best friend, maybe like a best friend, but with certain limits. You need to get friends your own age and let her do her own thing. You need to be there when she needs you, but don't ever expect a 20-something to be there for you. I personally think you should have sucked it up and gone to the birthday party. What better way to get yourself out of a funk! Maybe the fact that you were so low is an indication that yes, you are depressed and need to seek out some help. Back to the limits though, your daughter should not be telling you anything about her sex life including whatever comment her husband said about being a stripper. If you establish those limits after accepting the fact that you are NOT best friends and you both seek out your own best friends you will be happier.

    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 2:13 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • You know what? I would feel the same way. There is more to this world than looks and her husband sounds a little bit pigish. For her to get mad at you for missing a birthday party is not fair either, especially b/c your sister had just passed (SO SORRY! HUGS!!!!)
    I'm sorry your relationship has changed mama. If it's easier for you to not be around her maybe you shouldn't for a while. Tell her how you feel when you are ready, you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable. And i'm sorry it seems like nobody on here really understood what you were trying to say and supported you a lot. I do!! Hope it gets better!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 7:58 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

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