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3 Bumps

Husband isn't sure he wants another baby. He seems to be avoid saying abortion but he keeps saying he doesnt want this right now. I knoe I wasn't planning on this with a five month old, but it happened. I dont know what to do. Some advice is helpful.

He is in the ait for the army, I am home with our five month old.

Answer Question
 
undecided920

Asked by undecided920 at 10:56 PM on Jan. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (61 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Talk to him and ask him exactly what he wants you to do.
    ready4baby2011

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 10:57 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I have asked him. He avoids it, by switching the topic. I feel like he is leaving It up to me. That leaves me with nothing. I think each choice will end up ruining our marriage.
    undecided920

    Comment by undecided920 (original poster) at 11:01 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Did you try suggesting maybe counseling when he comes back? I dont know what to tell you. I am praying for you. I will give y ou a bump.
    ready4baby2011

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 11:02 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • If he is leaving it up to you, make a decision and just let him know what it is, no matter what it is
    leksismommy

    Answer by leksismommy at 11:05 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Thank you.
    undecided920

    Comment by undecided920 (original poster) at 11:06 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • It's your body. If he isn't going to talk to you about it, then you are still going to have to make a choice, whether he is involved or not. I can tell you mine are really close, and it was a suprise, I was really sad actually. Scared. But I felt that whether or not I was on BC I still accepted the risks of having sex. So I chose to have my baby and raise it. For me, I figured it was a baby, not the plague! I'm not sure if this helps any. It's just my personal experience. It can work if you want it to! Hang in there!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:06 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • I'm so sorry that you're in this position. I know that I personally couldn't do it, even if the baby wasn't convenient, but I do believe that this is a choice that each person has to make for themselves.

    I honestly don't think that I could be with a man that would want me to abort our child just because it was inconvenient, again these are my personal feelings, and I respect everyone's right to make their own decision.

    Since he's not here, and only you are, I would seek some counsel for this one. Either a therapist, or other non family member, someone without any emotional attachment, to help you make this decision....whatever decision you make, you'll have the consequences to live with, so decide which consequences you can handle the best.

    Again, I'm so sorry that you're in this situation.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:07 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • If I were in your shoes, I would just not bring it up again. You are going to have a baby. It's a fact. Whether hubby wants it right now or not, it's a fact and he will probably get used to the idea. The ones who aren't planned usually turn out to be the most fun. Anyway, you didn't get pregnant by yourself and you need to stop stressing about it. If the marriage is ruined, it's not your fault and it's not the fault of your baby. Your husband is a big boy, and he should know by now that when he has sex with his wife, a baby is always a possibility. The only sure way to keep it from happening is to never have sex again. You could ask him if that is now his choice.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:08 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • Don't let him change the subject - he made this baby too and it's as much his responsible to make a choice as it is yours, it isn't fair nor right for him to put it all on you. Getting pregnant so soon after having a child isn't easy (my first child was 6 months old when I got pregnant with my second) but if both of you choose to have this baby it'll take both of you to make sure things work out. My babies are 6 and 4 now (2nd one will be 5 in a week) and I am incredibly happy I chose to keep my second one. Unfortunately my marriage didn't last but honestly it probably wouldn't have lasted even if I had an abortion with my second daughter, but even if the added stress of two babies in a rocky marriage did end it I'd choose my babies over their dad any day.
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 11:10 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

  • NannyB! My last baby, I was preg with when my son was 7mos old, is the easiest,and funniest! You are so right! :D
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:16 PM on Jan. 19, 2011

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