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2 Bumps

I've been married for 3 years. I think I'm a lesbian, not just bi, now what? adult content

I'm 25 and I am the PP of a 2yr old DD. I haven't given into these desires since highschool really. I convinced myself God would never approve. I've loved women since I was a kid, but after comming out to my sister at 11 and the neighborhood kids trying to kill me becuase she couldnt keep a secret. I pushed aside my bi feelings. My husband is a beautiful man. He has shiny long straight black hair and a cute butt. But, I still can't stand intamicy with him. I'd rather cuddle, and he's not a fan. Sex just isn't what it used to be and my mind wanders to the men and women I dated in the past. Honestly, nearly all the men has some feminine characteristic now that I think about it. I don't want to be Gay. I was a LGBT advocate, but I still don't think God would forgive ME. Also, I feel like I would be a shame to my daughter later in life. My husband has been a great provider, but not much more than that. Our personalities aren't the best match. We married becuase we both wanted a child, and I felt I need to be married to bear a child without SHAME. It seems as though that the shame is just compounding. I also married him becuase back then I thought I could love him despite his sex and wanted to help get him legalized papers. Maybe I'm not gay and I'm just with the wrong man. I still don't want him deported AND I don't belive in divorce. HE doesn't belive in counciling. I'm also afraid to leave becuase I havn't worked in so long and I have a horrible job history and I'm scared to face the unknown and the empty dating scene of Dykes and Judgements. ( I think femmininity is attractive ) But girly guys often arent a good match for me either. I WANT BRUTAL OPINIONS, HELP, SUPPORT, HATE, IDEAS,ADVICE. just help me sort this out, pleeeeeeeeeeeeese!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:29 AM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • do what you feel is best for you. im bi and my husband is ok with it, never done ANYTHING with a girl, since dh and i met when i was 15 and he was 17. so i cant help you there. dh and i have marriage problems and i UNDERSTAND the being scared to go out on your own, i have collectively worked for 2 months my whole life. dh wants me to be a sahm..... if we were to split id be entirely on my own. but do what is best for you and id confront your dh about your feelings and explain that its either a counselor or a divorce (even if your bluffing) i like girly girls even though im one and i understand being scared but do what you think is best for you, not your dh or dd. you cant love them whith your whole heart unless you love yourself and who you really are FIRST!
    shortycmlb

    Answer by shortycmlb at 4:42 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • The first thing I thought of after reading this is.... your not being true to yourself at all! Your doing and feeling to make other people happy but lying to yourself.Sure you have obsticals in the way but do you really want to live the rest of your life like this? If I were you, I would get counceling, so that you can talk openly to another person.And maybe our religious beliefs are very different but I dont believe God would want you to suffer or torment yourself like your doing! Same goes for your family, you really sould talk to your husband, he sounds like a decent man and I would think he'd wanna know the truth. Just be true to you, if you want the people you love to be happy then you have to be happy and honest, don't live a lie, lifes too short! Wish you all the best!
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 6:00 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Life is too short to live in regret, so my advice to you is follow your heart, if it leads you to a man than be with that man , love him and respect him as he should do to you. But if your heart leads you to a woman , go be with that woman. God is not going to judge you if thats where your heart truly is, Trust and believe that god knows all our wants and needs before we even begin to think of them . You cant help what you like and you shouldnt be ashamed of it. As for your daughter , she will understand. And if she doesnt , then so be it. When she turns a certain age and leaves home youre going to be alone and unhappy if you dont do whats right for YOU. Besides, you dont have to show affection to the other woman in front of her , and i personally wouldnt , so basically all she would be seeing is another woman around like a friend and nothing else. As far as the job situation goes, if hes a good man he will understand and wont
    MsBrazil86

    Answer by MsBrazil86 at 6:37 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • leave you and your child in need for anything. It will be hard being a single mom on your mom but if this is truly what you want , you will find a way through the hurdles and get through it. Good Luck and wish u the best!
    MsBrazil86

    Answer by MsBrazil86 at 6:39 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Have you thought about going into counseling yourself? Before you make any drastic steps, it sounds like you need to really figure out what you want. It could be that you are gay, and not being true to yourself is what is making you unhappy in your current situation. It could also be that you are unhappy in your marriage, and you are looking for anything to give you a reason for leaving.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 6:49 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Go into counseling yourself as the last person. It will help you sort our your feelings. Don't make any drastic decisions until you have to come to some conclusions inside.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 9:01 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • not bashing, not hating..........
    i do not aprove of homosexuals, i think it is against god and what he intended.
    with that said, im not sure you even know what you are. meaning, i think youre undecisive. like you said, youre not sure if its the wrong man, or youre a lesbian. its none of my busness so don't think im bashing, or judging. jmo.
    i would stick it out for alittle while longer. talk to you hubby, tell him your feelings. see what he says about it. try and find yourself, and find out who you are. hope this didn't sound nasty, it was meant to be at all. good luck with everything.
    mama2bof2

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 9:36 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • It sounds like you and your husband have a lot to work out. It would probably be a good idea to get a counselor. I would also recommend taking a look at why you make the decisions you do - marrying someone to keep them in the country or so you can have a child really isn't the right reason.  I'm not trying to bash you, I'm trying to get you to look at why you do the things you do.  If you make the choices you make out of fear or guilt then those issues need to be worked through before you make any other life changing decisions (such as leaving your husband).  Good luck.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:48 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Do what makes YOU happy.

    I'm bi, my Husband has known about it since We met, but I am faithful to Him and haven't been with a woman (or man, of course) since before my Husband and I met. I'm perfectly happy this way..but I believe in my Vows and I am a one-person kinda lady.

    Best of luck to you.
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 10:09 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I understand what Scuba is trying to say, though I think it may be the other way around. I woke up crying one night becuase It hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't deny it anymore. Admittidly, I did get married for the wrong reasons, and my husband and I have to WORK REALLY HARD at this. I'm an expressive, idealistic, people loving, weirdo; He's a hard working, status quo, doesnt want to talk about his or your feelings, kinda person. I think he'd be angry and unsympathetic. That being said, we've been through SO MUCH together, he has made many sacrifices for us. He's a good, hard-working man. I just couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I left. I'd see myself as selfish and ungrateful. Not only that but what if they did deport her daddy? Without marriage papers I fear I wouldn't be able to protect him. He doesn't deserve that. For all the hard work he's done for us he deserves to be right here with her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:19 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

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