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8 Bumps

So if men love their children as much as women do, why are there so many deadbeat dads?

I asked a question a few days ago... Do men love their children as much as women do? The answer was overwhelmingly yes. A lot of very good points were made, and it was clear that the vast majority of women who were answering had SOs who were great dads (which makes me super happy!)

But I wonder. If in general men love their children just as much as women do, then howcome when a couple splits, so often the dad sees their kids way less than they should, and express little to no interest in them? You almost never see women abandoning their children like that, but you see it happen with men all the time.

Why is that?

 
Ati_13

Asked by Ati_13 at 7:40 AM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Just for Fun

Level 24 (21,184 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • Why are there so many deadbeat MOMS. There are just as many of those as there are deadbeat dads, you just don't hear about them as much.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:44 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Just a thought - because I really have no idea, but I wonder if you factor in abortion if that would change the numbers. Women who aren't ready for a child, don't want one, etc. can abort and never have the child. Dads don't get that same choice. Once the baby is born they are supposed to care for it. What if they weren't interested in having children in the first place?
    micheledo

    Answer by micheledo at 7:43 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • A lot of the problem is the mothers don't want the dad to have a close relationship with the children so, they don't have to spend summers away from their children. Then they complain saying they are deadbeats.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:46 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • This is a tough one. Some guys are just slugs, who have no idea what being a father is all about. There are others though that have been tricked into being a father, or who have an ex that is so mean and vindictive that it's easier on everyone (child included) if he doesn't see the child much. Some mothers turn their children against the father because they are bitter about the break up.

    There are deadbeat moms as well - likely for the same reasons.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 7:43 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • because some men just don't really understand what its like to be a father. they don't see the longetivity of having a child and the joy. alot of times if a relationship ends they do not want to deal with the mother and the children suffer. however, some men do try and are excellent fathers even after divorce. i think alot of times its about the mother rather then the children. its sad that the kids suffer for it. some men do not want to give up their single life for a beautiful child but that is there choice.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 8:00 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I think it may be because men are sexually stimulated by what they see and they are very quickly aroused. It is also true that a high percentage of men lack the inclination to control their sexual urges and they do not think long term. It used to be that this was more true of men than it was of women. Then came the "sexual revolution" when women began to think more like the men. The result of that has been that more and more children are conceived in relationships rather than in committed marriages as was once the case. The term "dead beat dads" is a relatively new term. In the days when marriage was considered necessary, it was almost unheard of for a dad to walk away from his family. Women have the power role. In the days before the sexual revolution, the majority of women said "no" to sex before marriage. The result was that very few children were abandoned by their fathers, except in cases of death.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:10 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I think it's biological. A child is part of the mother. The mother goes through hormonal and other biological changes while pregnant and most mothers are in love with their children. A dad doesn't go through those changes.
    Dalimonster

    Answer by Dalimonster at 8:20 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I agree matthewscandi, there are just as many deadbeat moms and you don't hear about it because those dads just do what they need to do for their kids. I personally know several single dads who don't ever hear from the mom and don't push the issue at all, because they are men and can do it. And I think it all boils down to the relationship between the parents, who is best suited to raise the kids and who gets to walk away. The one who gets to walk away is the one who has time to find other "friends" and then gets busy with their new life and forgets the old. Which if we think about it is what the one who stays wants. They want the other to walk away and not look back.
    parajumper3

    Answer by parajumper3 at 9:18 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • There are plenty of terrible moms out there, single dads who are raising their kids and kids who are in the system because of the horrible moms they have. The problem is that we, as a society, make a huge deal of dead beat dad but not about the terrible moms. And, of course, you do have the moms who would rather have an abortion than to step it up and be a parent or even give the child a chance at life with adoptive parents. There are awesome dads the same as there are awesome moms, but we hear more about the bad dads more than the good ones.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:34 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • this question is an excellent example of why dads should be allowed to 'openly' be here, cuz this is the question a man should answer, not women. There's alot of deadbeat moms, SAH dads and single fathers out there as well. Its becoming more and more commonplace.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

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