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4 Bumps

Adoption question - How to suggest this?

Hello, I have posted another question earlier about this but anyway: I won't go into detail, but I have had a horrible, terrible experience with my Csection. It took me a little less than a year to fully recover. Indescribable pain and horrific circumstances. Anyways, I am fine now, with my 15 month old DD and all is good. Now, we've been having talks with my husband about another baby in some months, perhaps when my DD is about 2 or 2 and a half. The thing is, I have such a a horrible experience from my whole birth that I really can't let it go and can't go through it another time. I want another baby though. So I want to suggest adoption to my husband but I am scared he will react in a negative way. He is close to his family and they don't have any history of adoption so I am not really sure how he feels about it - though we spoke of it and he seemed neutral to it, I don't know how he will be if it actually was about us. So I am wondering, how would you suggest I bring it up? It's only a suggestion, not necessarily what we'll do. Thanks a lot1!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (7)
  • I would bring it up when the timing feels right. and make sure you ask him how he feels about it. adopting a baby take a while so you would have plenty of time to think about everything. just be honest and open with him and he should do the same. dont be afraid of adoption. i was adopted when i was 5.
    marinewife0311

    Answer by marinewife0311 at 9:30 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • well you have to explain to him, adoption is not aLL THAT BAD. i was a foster child all my life and i had a great time. its best this way. you bring happiness to a child who if were with their maternal family wouldnt have had that. Adoption is a great chooice. just if you decide to adopt dont give up on that child. since coming from different genetics you never know how a child will be until they grow older. i know the feeling of home to home its nothing fun
    larrieshayamini

    Answer by larrieshayamini at 9:32 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Just like you did to us. He is your husband. Communication should be the basis for your relationship. This is big. Put it out there as an option and see where it takes you. Do not go at it as though he has to agree. Do not go on and on about your reasons. State your point of view and offer it as an option to consider and then wait to see what he says. But under no conditions make it an argument. If you do that he is likely just to dig in and fight it harder. Maybe you have a friend that was adopted and you could discuss the positive aspects and you could mention that you would like to consider adoption.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:34 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Just tell him you need to talk. Tell him what you told us. Your not sure if your body can take it. I think adoption is wonderful, giving kids an opprtunity at a loving family when otherwise they might not ever get one. I am wanting to adopt when my kids get older.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 10:16 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I too had a horrid pregnancy & delivery, & subsequently I cannot have more children, but I would love to feel that precious life inside of me again... We are in the process of adopting... We did a lot of research & decided to adopt special needs children through foster care... I too would love the feeling of holding a baby in my arms again, but I read several studies on domestic adoption, most saying that for every infant placed up for adoption, their are 40+ couples waiting, & I could not stand the thought of adopting a baby after having our miracle baby boy when there are so many childless couples hoping to experience the same joys we had with our son... We are now in the process of adopting a preschooler with Spina Bifida, and we wouldn't trade anything in the world for her!!! We are so blessed with our daughter and she has made some amazing strides since coming home! We are hoping to start the process again in a year!
    TiffyTaffy79

    Answer by TiffyTaffy79 at 8:19 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • O.K. Something to consider here. About your fear of another horrific birth, is it quite likely that the same situation would happen again? Some people who adopt have a failed adoption and still persevere. I can't begin to imagine the emotional pain they have gone through. I don't know what exactly happened with your last birth, but is it possible you have PTSD? I think you should think seriously about not wanting to bear another child. But, even if you adopt, that may still be an option in the future. With that being said, the way I bring something up to my husband that I am nervous/apprehensive about, is to blurt it out! I normally just throw out a " So here's the thing.....". I know that once I've started, I can't back up so I just try to get it out there quickly! He's always totally open to what I say, not sure why I get nervous over the big things. Just to be clear, I am all for adoption. We are in the process right now.
    Gandeluv

    Answer by Gandeluv at 8:58 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Two things come to mind. First, j I agree that just become you had one bad experience at giving birth and healing doesn't mean it would be the same next time, Second, unless you plan to adopt from foster care, the demand for newborns is fierce and therefore most adoption agencies, charge hefty fees. Plus, in DIA (domestic infant adoption), ethical issues abound, so that is something to consider.

    Why do you think he might react in a negative way? If he is against the idea, it is not fair to a child to try to talk him into it.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 9:37 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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