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Am I wrong for thinking my friend should not having another child, at least right now??

Let me start off with, by NO means am I the type of person to tell someone I think they are wrong and be a complete bit*ch about things. I also know its not my place to say what she does with her life but, My roomates daughter just turned one on Jan 13th. A few days later she found out she is pregnant. Now, we have talked and she has told me that she does not want to have more babies, at least not right now. She was miserable her ENTIRE pregnancy. She was crying and laughing when she found out. She use to tell me that her husband would not stop before getting his. said she told him serveral times they cannot afford another baby and so on. I am 26 weeks pregnant with my 2nd, so its not jealousy. I am frankly very concerned. Cause honestly even tho the daddy seems stoked, he does not take care of his daughter properly. what I mean by that is, he lets her cry and cry forever. He leeps her in their room to "nap" 98% of the time she is at work. sometimes he even feeds himself before he feeds her. Like last night. he went to test drive the car cause it broke, came to us and was like, keep an ear out for her, she just went down,(mind you my bdf and I had been back home for 45 min at that point) if she cries just let her be she needs to sleep she is tired, Ill be back in like two min. He was gone for 35 minutes and in that time the mommy came home and was soooooooooo mad, he left us to care for her and just took off. its alot more complicated but I dont want ppl on here to get mad at me and tell me im wrong for being concerned and its no business of mine. What kind of friend would I be if I wasnt?? betwen my bf and our two friends that come over, we all have told her that he does not take care of this child very well. plays video games and she is crying in the room, even my bf is like dude your daughter is crying for ya.. "i know, ill get her soon" 30+ min later he might get off his arse and get her. and by then its just bad she so sad. or when he uses bathroom its a multiple time a day thing where he is in there for 45 minutes!! and im not lying. 45 minutes!!! meanwhile, assumes we will care for her and occupuy her and or leave her in the room to cry. I will not go in their room cause it is gross beyond gross, and unless she screaming in dyer pain I think he should be the daddy and man up and take care of his kid.. thats just my opinion, thanks for listening to my story. again, sorry if anyone sees im wrong to say what I had to say but I dont want to tell her cause i want to be happy for her.. she and i talk all the time. she knows I mean well but still.. ughh... I do wish her luck ..

Answer Question
 
mommyoftristan

Asked by mommyoftristan at 10:42 AM on Jan. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,903 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • seems long and complicated. i think if you want to have kids you should have your own..all this room mate crap just doesnt work. you obviously seem stressed. i'm sure they are. i just wouldnt be trying to have kids if i were in that situation. i would want to have my own shit first
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:50 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • and i'm not trying to be ugly...thats just me. i've been there. i know it don't work
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:50 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • my bf and I are moving this week coming so we will be on our own soon enough thank goodness... :)
    mommyoftristan

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 10:51 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • well...it is your friend and you know how it is because it seems as though your around enough to know. it seems as though it is not her thats wrong about having another child, it is him. As far as i can see, he wont ever "man up" and be a father, it will just continue on. Your friend needs to do something about the situation or else everything just stays the same. He will pawn his kids off on someone else and not deal with them on his own time.

    He just needs some sort of wake up call, dont know what it is but your friend is having a baby to what it seems like a single mother herself.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 10:53 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I couldnt have said it better myself americansugar80...
    mommyoftristan

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 10:56 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • don't worry too much. just concentrate on your family. but if you feel the child is being neglected and it will be worse maybe you should talk to her very seriously with out the husband around. other wise these children will just grow up in a neglected environment. it will just get worse with a newborn.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 11:04 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • She may not have planned it, but she's already pregnant, the dad is there (good or bad) it may not be a great situation....but, that is the situation, so there's not much you can do.

    Be glad you're moving out.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:10 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Would it not be wonderful if we could solve all the problems.?But you can't.this is her problem,only yours when you agree to watch a child while he is gone.And heaven forbid if DHS were ever to hear of any parent leaving a child alone while they go out!did you hear the news of how a mom on here cafe mom,was giving her child a bath a nd left them alone while she was on cafemom?He child drowned!!Children are very curious little angels and they can get into everything.Leaving one at home alone even asleep or not is crazy dumb.I would tell the dad if he ever asked me to watch ,or lend an ear NO i'm sorry but i am not responsible for what could happen while you are gone,so i suggest you take the child with you.I'm too busy .good luck.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 4:20 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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