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14 yo daughter - is this a phase?

My daughter has never been super extroverted but has always been social with a small group of friends. In the past month though, she's not reaching out to go out with anyone at all. I asked her if everything is good with them and she says yes. She seems very happy, talks about funny things that happen at school. She participates on several sports team and enjoys that. Just right now no major social ties during her down time. It is her first year in high school and she doesn't have classes with any of her old core friends. I know she talks to new people but doesn't seem to want to take the next step to do anything outside of school. I don't think it bothers her at all but it bothers me. I know she does enjoy free time to just veg, homework and sports consume a lot of her time, but they always did. Maybe this is just part of the ebb and flow of high school friendships?

**EDIT** Thanks for the answers everyone! Like I said she seems very happy! I just needed some thoughts because I'm the one sad about it...I guess I just think that if I was that young, I'd want to be out and about all the time. Sometimes I feel like she's being left out or behind, but she's never said that or indicated that. Probably my own issues. I wish she was more outgoing but I need to get over that, not her!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • Kids social structures change quite a bit around this age. She is drifting away from old friends and making new ones in her classes and through sports. Give her time to settle in. It is not a bad thing for her to focus on her sports and school work right now. She sounds quite busy and probably really enjoys her down time. I wouldn't worry unless you start seeing a major change in her behavior towards you and the family.

    Answer by Marwill at 11:36 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • She's probably a little overwhelmed by the new high school experience. Friends aren't around her all the time, there's new faces, and she just needs some time to adjust. It's good that she's still active, still conversating and socializing, and what-not. She could just be taking it easy until she adjusts to the new high school life. Give her time. Unless she shows signs of not wanting to do anything, talk to anyone, or starts failing in school she should be okay. Just keep at her side (More mentally then physically) and keep talking to her.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:55 AM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • It sounds like she is very happy with her life right now, so I would not worry at all about her.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • My 15 yr old daughter is EXACTLY the same. It truly is just the ebb and flow. Keep the communication open. One thing we have done is have a sleepover once a month with her "core" friends. Keeping those friendships strong is so important in highschool. They order pizza, have an ice cream sundae bar and transform the living room into teenage domain with tons of furry pillows, air mattresses and fuzzy blankets we save only for her and her friends. It makes my younger daughter look forward to being in high school so she can do the same. It's really helped my 15 yr old.

    Answer by derosia_mama at 8:04 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • My daughter is in 8th grade and seems to be not as social this year as she was last year. If a friend asks her to hang out she will say yes but won't initiate. I am a little concerned , it seems that she and her bff since 5th grade are drifting apart. If your daughter seems happy don't pressure her to be with friends. Kids are crazy stressed these days and maybe she just wants to relax.

    Answer by jcm62497 at 6:51 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

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