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I need some advice on how to deal with my baby father.

My babys father left me when I told him I was pregnant at 8weeks. He had told me he wanted me to get an abortion and I told him I wouldn't so he said he hoped the baby doesn't make it and if so he wants nothing to do with me or our child. And had found somebody else a week later and im told he was messing around with her while we were still together. I am now almost 16 weeks and ever since I told him I need his help so im going to have to go for child support he's been every supportive. He said he would help with they baby and come around and be there for our child as much as he can but begs me not to take him for child support. We've talked about names and about the baby alot this past week but I can't help but think the only reason he cares is because he doesn't want me to take him for child support. He says it not true and that he would have came around eventually. But yet he just got done telling me he wants his new gf to go baby shopping with us?! I am so hurt that the guy im in love with could hurt me this way. Am I right for being upset at this? Im so hurt that the guy iAlso his mother has contacted me and has told me that I need to get an abortion because this could mess up her sons future. By the way he is 20 and im 19. She and along with the rest of his family have made it clear they want nothing to do with my child. Should I just cut all contact with him and his family? Im so hurt that my child is being rejected and there seems to be nothing I can do. Please any advice is greatly appreciated thanks

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nicolejuly2011

Asked by nicolejuly2011 at 2:08 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • just put him on child support, if thats what you want to do. i think he is just buttering you up so you wont' do it, he will always find ways to manipulate you if you don't stand up for yourself. tell him this isn't to punish him but just to make sure your baby gets what he or she *deserves* from him and that its all out in the open so nobody can screw up the amount or timely payments. what he said to you was just awful btw. im sorry you have to deal with him. i have a pos baby's father for my oldest and i can definitely relate. congrats on the pregnancy mama.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:11 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Well it's not his mothers business....and the next time she tells you to have an abortion because it will "mess up her sons future" tell her that perhaps she should have taught him responcibility and to be a man!

    Seriously....if he wants to be there and help, even if fake, decide if you want it....but either way it's his baby too and he should be responcible enough to pay for his childs expenses, so file for child support regardless!!!!!

    And tell him you do not want his girlfriend around, it's not her business either. Simply say: My way or NO WAY
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 2:11 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Go after child support. He sounds manipulative, and I doubt he'll really help out as much as he should since it sounds like all he is doing is trying to avoid responsibility. You don't even have to get a lawyer, just turn it into child support enforcement.
    EverydayMomma

    Answer by EverydayMomma at 2:12 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • He is selfish and cannot love you or your baby or anyone. Stay away.

    Go to the family law office at your county court and get an order for child support drawn up right away.

    He comes from a trashy family. All they care about is money and how they don't want to feed or clothe your baby. Do NOT speak to these people unless it is through an attorney. They will make your life hell if you let them.

    You WILL find love again. There is someone out there who will love you just the way you are. And love your baby. And be a good kind honest man. Don't settle for less.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 2:13 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Go after child support. Seems he just doesn't want to actually in the end help or his family! You girl have to have means to care for your little one do whats best for you and your baby
    jdbrown21

    Answer by jdbrown21 at 2:14 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • yes
    cut contact, sooner you realize he and his family just wantyou to have abortion, the better off you will be
    you are only 16 weeks, you have a long way to go, if you place trust in any of them and they ditch you right before the birth, you will again be way emotional and have support for yourself
    where is your family?
    does not matter what his intentions are, file for child support as soon as you can after birth, and let the chips fall, he will have to support child with money , either he will be in childs life or willnot, but do not let him get out of helping with money end
    as for shopping for baby with you along with his new girlfriend-no way!
    get all you need by yoursefl or with real friends, if he wants to get baby something do not go with him, and tell him to send in the mail
    the faster you make tracks away from this jerk, the better, he can make his own choices about child
    but do not count on him, find support
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:15 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • LISTEN TO ME!!!! PLEASE!!!! I went through the SAME thing, i'm telling you girl, take his stupid ass to court for child support!!!!!! He's only being nice because he don't want money taken outta his paycheck or end up being in jail if he doesn't pay. DONT LISTEN TO HIM! And having an abortion,...what would that solve? ur child is ur child, if he don't wanna man up and take care of it, then f*ck him! PM me if u need to talk or vent, im here, i was going through the same thing and found 2 wonderful moms on here that are my age and they helped me get through it. u dont need NO man to make u happy or help u support ur LO. im a single mother of two and doing just great!
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 2:15 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Oh Hon, please don't let anyone tell you should have an abortion. That decision is completely yours to make. Children are a gift even if they weren't planned. Limited contact would be a better choice when it comes to him and his family. You may want to share a lot of info with your child in the future about his father and fathers family, so don't stop all contact. God Bless you and your child!!!
    darter

    Answer by darter at 2:16 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Take whatever help he offers, but file for child support anyway. Make sure his name is on the birth certificate too. To hell with the rest of his family. They have no say in this at all. If he wants to be around the child and a be a father, that is a good thing. However, you need to move on emotionally. He is obviously not reliable in terms of a relationship.
    Marwill

    Answer by Marwill at 2:17 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • cut them off and wen the baby comes then decided if u need more help and file for childsupport. to early to be stressing!!!! and when ur child get her and his mom ask to see the baby smile at her and say oh the same baby u wanted me to kill let it and him go
    kai302

    Answer by kai302 at 2:18 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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