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Need opinions.....

I have been married 5 years and alot of ups and downs have gone on. I love him dearly and know he loves me. That isn't the problem. The problem is that I feel like we aren't growing as a couple. I think that I know him so well all the little things about him and how he is. But it seems like he doesn't know me that well. It's like he can't ever just know what I need or now how things may affect me and then know how to handle it. I am not sure if I am explaining this right but does anyone feel like their spouse should be more "in tune" with them than they are?? or has anyone ever felt this way and been able to work on it so they felt closer to their spouse?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • i know what u mean i think u should just communicate with him your little needs and wants and don'ts its easier for a women to pick it up then men i sometimes have to talk to my man and we have been together for 6 years good luck
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 3:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • No. No. No. That is not necessarily the case. You never want anyone to know you that well. A man can never be truly in tune with a woman, because well, he is not a woman! LOL! In order for a relationship to grow, you have to really realize that you are separate entities. A marriage does not make you become a man, and he become a woman. We will always have those differences. You have to respect him as a man, and what makes him a man. To remain somewhat of a mystery is really a good thing. That way you can always be interesting to each other. (if that makes sense)...
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 3:14 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • He is a man! They are not as intuitive and such as us, I say take a deep breath, make him a great dinner and don't sweat it!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:16 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I think women sometimes are just more detailed-oriented. I've been with and known by husband for ... jeesh ... about 18 years maybe? (It feels like eternity sometimes), and I can tell you exactly what he'll order at every single restaurant, I have no problem surprising him with take out, or his favorite this or that, but he would be clueless as to what I would want.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 3:16 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • He wasn't in tune when you married him. Why did you think he was going to change? Men are men. Just love him as he is and be secure in his love for you.
    parajumper3

    Answer by parajumper3 at 3:18 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I can and only will speak in regards to my husband/myself/my marriage.


    I have been married for 25 years. One thing I have learned about my husband throughout all of those years is this. He can not just "know" what I need/want/feel  etc just by looking at me. He's not a mind reader. No more than I am. Yes he is in tune with me in many ways. However, that is not something that's ever going to happen, because he can't look at my ass and read my mind. lol. The only way my husband really and truly KNOWS what I need/want/feel etc is if I tell him. If I do not tell him these things, If I'm not honest about those things with him, and I just leave him floundering and guessing in the dark.it opens up the possibility for some real communication issues,which in turn become hurt feelings and resentments.

    If I want my feelings/needs known I must be responsible for making them known.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:19 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • He clearly doesn't read you well or anticipate your wants/needs. Some men just aren't good at this. You will have to communicate with him about these things. Don't sit around expecting him to turn into something he never has been. Talk to him and tell him what you want and need.
    Marwill

    Answer by Marwill at 3:23 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • He wasn't in tune when you married him. Why did you think he was going to change? Men are men. Just love him as he is and be secure in his love for you.


    It's not that I thought he would "change" I just feel like the longer you are together the closer, more deeply you know someone. It is like what amybaby said. She knows what her husband will order at every restaurant so she knows what to pick up for take out without asking. It's those kinds of things knowing what your spouse likes and doesn't. There are times where I have to make a decision and I can think about how my husband is and be able to make the right choice and he will say that is exactly what I would have done. I just thought that as time goes on spouses know each other better than anyone and at times don't even need to ask or be told what the other wants or needs. I don't expect him to read my mind about everything it's just some stuff he should know.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:31 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Can you give us some examples? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what you're disappointed about. My dh and I have been together for 16 years (married 9). He STILL can't pick out jewelry or clothes for me--and i almost NEVER get gifts that he really loves or needs. We are not even facebook friends because we dont' want to read each other's posts about stuff we don't care about LOL! But yes, we're in love.
    charlottej

    Answer by charlottej at 3:41 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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