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3 Bumps

How to make a man cut his ties with his parents?

I love my inlaws don't get me wrong, but my hubby is going over there or calling/or getting called constantly. SOmetimes multiple times a day. They live 2 miles away which makes it even easier for him. Most of the time he doesn't need anything just wants to get out and about. Yes, I've told him how I feel, and yes I've mentioned moving and he says NO! It makes me feel less important, or less loved..I ask him why he goes there all the time and he says to see whats going on. I can't understand why he's so interested in whats going on there instead of at home with me and our 6 month old son. :( Help please, don't know how much more I can take.

 
Ambie0526

Asked by Ambie0526 at 3:47 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,562 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I would make him choose. He has a family with you and his son and he can either move with you or you can move without him. Either way, I would get away from the inlaws.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 3:51 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Well, first of all, he shouldn't have to cut ties with his family. They love him...just as you love your son & wouldn't want to lose him. You also didn't say if they are in poor health, or elderly.

    Assuming they're normal healthy adults, then he needs to learn to set boundaries for his family & maybe you should be included, or invite them over to your house periodically. I have 3 sons ages 19, 21 & 28. The oldest is in Baltimore, I miss him terribly. The youngest recently moved out with his girlfriend, but still spends an awful lot of time here not because I'm calling him, but, because it's still home, he comes & eats, comes & visits & sometimes she comes with him.

    The thought that any of my boys girlfriends or spouses would want to make them "cut ties" with his family, is just awful. I do think that in-laws need to not be intrusive & to be respectful of reasonable boundaries, but family is important. Don't cut them out.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:56 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Oh wow...bump for ya
    Chloesmom1126

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 3:48 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • He is not going to cut ties....My SO is similiar well he doesn't call them they call us constantly and need this and that and it frustrates me that they are so incompetant for stupid stuff taht they call him. The best you can do is talk to him...you can give him a ultimatum but you may not like the outcome.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • we live 4 blocks from my inlaws. and i dont really get along with them but hubby doesnt go over all the time. if he does he will ask how i feel about it.
    knagsmom

    Answer by knagsmom at 3:52 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • there's nothing wrong with him being close with his family, it doesn't mean he loves you and your son any less. but if it bothers you this much, you need to try and set some boundaries. like all of you can go visit on the weekend or every other weekend. maybe have them over for dinner one night every other week. whatever would work out best for everyone. i do not think its fair to ask him to move away simply because you dont approve of the time he spends over there. i think this can be worked out, you just have to both try and find a solution.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:54 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I think it is time to have another talk with him, and let him know that he has a family now, and you and the baby need his attention too. I would also suggest he try going over just once a day at a set time and that be "mom and dad time". Like maybe every night at 6pm? (or whatever time works for your family). That way he can have some time with them to 'catch up' but he also has plenty of time with you and the baby. Would it be possible for him to take you with to his parents sometimes? Or maybe you could drop him at his parents to visit and you have some 'me' time and do something you would like to do-- like maybe go out to lunch with a friend?
    I would be careful about giving and ultimatum and say "its them or me" cause you may not like his answer and he won't like being forced to choose between you. I hope everything works out- good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:59 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I agree with you. You & your son should be his main priority. When I met my husband his parents were going through a divorce, after being married for 33 yrs. His mother was constantly coming over without calling, and doing some very intrusive things. I'll never forget how I felt when I came home from the hospital with our first son, after having a c-section. The phone was ringing as we walked in the door, and it was his mom. She was calling him to come and fix a leak under her sink. She knew I was coming home from the hospital, she knew I'd had a c-section. He went thinking it was an emergency, but when he saw that it was something small he told her that this was inconsiderate. He also finally told her she had to call before coming over & couldn't do some of the other things that she was doing. He did let her know that he loved her 7 was there for her, but she had to be considerate of his new family.

    Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:05 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I'm not currently working, so I would have no where to move to..besides back with my parents which isn't something I would want to do, but if need be I would I guess.
    Ambie0526

    Comment by Ambie0526 (original poster) at 3:53 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • No, I'm glad he's close with his family, I am too. But my husband and my son our my family now, and they are my main priority, and I wish we were his too, and we aren't...that's what I'm getting at.
    Ambie0526

    Comment by Ambie0526 (original poster) at 3:57 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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