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Relationship advice

I've been in college part time for a couple years now, mostly online. It's all online now that I stay at home with our son who is 6 month. I had a decent job, but when considering to have to pay childcare we decided it was best for me to quit and stay at home. My hubby constantly holds it over my head that I make no money, I've offered to go get a job, but that he would need to help me find a daycare then. Then he says no, just stay home. Then today, trying to work on my homework, he wants to run around and do whatever (he's laid off due to weather right now) and leave me at home with our son. I told him that my schooling is more important than running to the bank or where ever, (which could have been done earlier or tomorrow not a big deal) and he told me no it isn't b/c I'm the one making the money and you make none! Am I wrong at being upset that my husband doesn't respect that I'm a stay at home mom/wife and doesn't support me being a college student. HELP!!


Asked by Ambie0526 at 3:50 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,562 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • That's crap. When you get married you are supposed to be a team and in it together and all of that what's mine is yours business, right? I'm pretty sure the kid isn't just yours even though you did all the work of growing him in your womb for ten long months, right? Since when does making the money make you the king? I think this is unacceptable. I would tell my hubby to change his attitude or I would go out and get a job just to have my own money so he couldn't hold it over my head. Or I would send him a bill for what it would cost him to have someone clean the house, do the cooking, and care for the child. Clearly, if you go back to work you shouldn't have to do these things since his reasoning is that he doesn't have to do them because he works. SAHM Mom's do have a job, so who pays them? They get paid by sharing in the money earned by their spouse. If he won't share then I think he needs a rude awakening to help reconsider

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:36 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • He is being rude about it. Either he wants you home and is nice about it or he wants you to work. He cant say he wants you home and be a jerk about it.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:52 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Leave him alone with the baby for awhile maybe he will appreciate you more

    Answer by peace013 at 3:56 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Mine is like this and I now work FT and just want to leave..we are on our last thread...I mostly stayed home because of child care too. Thats so emotionally abusive in my opinion.My SO would disagree and I told him it is!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Yes, I'd be upset, too! Remind him that you're going to school for a REASON, and it's for the benefit of the FAMILY. You should SCHEDULE time for your schooling, and then if you finish early, great, then you can move on with the day, but otherwise, it needs to be non-negotiable.

    Answer by musicpisces at 3:56 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Im a SAHM too and my DH constantly throws the fact the he pays the bills in my face. He doesnt care that Im at home raising 2 children because he told me he doesnt want me to work, as well. He never helps with the kids, or the house. I mean NEVER. Not even when they were newborns. I have had job opportunities and he always finds a reason as to why I should just stay home. I am absolutely on the verge of leaving just because I cant handle how he treats me anymore. I wish I could give you some advice, but I agree that this is emotional abuse. GL and I hope you get some good answers. I will be checking back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I get pretty much the same thing from my SO but heres the thing, they will never know what its like to be a stay at home mom, they dont realize they are the lucky ones they get to have adult conversation and interactions daily and we sometimes start acting like our children lol. He needs to realize you work 24/7! and you yea YOU need a break.

    Answer by simonsmama2022 at 6:43 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • He is being a total jerk. you are is a tuff spot as a new mom. I was in this exact sisuation. My ex husband was very controlling and was mean like that. As a result when thebbaby was close to 2 I worked and always set a little aside he didnt know abouty it hepled when I left him.

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 8:27 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I've been home for 8 years with 5 kids. My husband has ALWAYS been so supportive of me, always telling me it's my decision, that he will support me if I want to go back to school or work, and that he supports me if I want to stay home. He has NEVER thrown it in my face. Not trying to brag, we're not perfect and we have our issues. Just saying you ladies don't have to put up with this. By the way, 2 of our 5 kids aren't even his! And I get no child support from bio dad for them and my dh still never complains about supporting everyone. He's happy to do it because he's a good man.
    My ex husband was like this though. I used to nanny with my son, and work after that and my ex still always tried to say I did't make any money and didn't pay any bills.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:33 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I was going to say the same thing as Peace013!

    Answer by Noosa at 8:29 PM on Jan. 20, 2011