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2 Bumps

Ex question? I really need advice. Please.

Hey all. This is going to be a bit long but please read, I am in need of advice badly. I'm married with 1 baby. I'm in my early 30s. Before my husband, I only had 2 relationships, one for 6 months and the longest one, for 2 years. I never stopped thinking about my ex, the one from my long term relationship. Everything was so intense between us, so extremely intense. We said "I love you" and it was like it was coming from inside our soul. He told me and I could feel my stomach get all clutched up, I was that in love, it was crazy. I truly believe we were soulmates, there is no other explanation for how we were. Inseperable, connected in a way that no one could understand. It was magic. Fast forward 2 years: His parents died in a tragic car accident. He was devastated, as he was from another country and just came to mine to be together, he immediately left for his country. The goodbye was horrible, it was like a piece of me was torn. We never really broke up, we sort of stopped communicating - he had responsibilities there and the internet wasn't big back then so we had no way of instant communication. Anyway, after years, I met my husband and we got married. Of course I loved him but it wasn't anything, NOTHING like Ian. (my ex) If my feelings had a scale, Ian would be 15/10 and my husband would be 6/10. Which brings us to today. I want to know how he is, what he is doing, if he is alright, if he got over his parents death. If he's married, has a girlfriend, everything about how he is doing. I am thinking of sending him an Email just to ask. What would you do? Would you do it? I need opinions on this and advice. Please be brutally honest, no matter what, as long as it's honest. Thanks a lot.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Contacting this ex would be cheating. Chalk it up to bad timing and let it go. You and your husband seem to have a good thing. If you ever divorce then you can contact Ian. NOT BEFORE!!! You are gonna rouine your current relationship if you keep your head in the past.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 4:16 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Don't do it, your playing with fire,,, and if you have a kiddo, the reality is to be with the ex you would probably have to leave your kids here, if your husband is a good Dad, and a good man,,,, well you know the answer to that,, so sorry,! Nothing wrong with fantasies, but the reality could become really bad!

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:16 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • It seems like you could be opening a can of worms sort to speak. It seems like you may be missing something in your marriage and that is why you are thinking about this past love. If you love your husband and want to keep your marriage I would NOT contact this Ian. It just seems likely that it could complicate your life now.

    Answer by sue118 at 4:17 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Stay away from Ian.. Your not over him. And conjugation with Ian can open a door that should stay closed now that you are married.

    Answer by mommyg24 at 4:19 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I would message him just to tie up loose ends. Just see how he is and be happy for him. But dont try to make it more than it should be. Dont flirt, etc. Remember you are a married woman regardless. I would look at it as closing that chapter in the book of life. If you need to contact him to close that chapter than do it. If you aren't ready to let this go, then it probably isnt a good idea to get in contact with him. GL.

    Answer by xxMasonsMommaxx at 4:19 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I agree with the above poster..message him to get your answers to your ?'s but I would leave it at that.

    Answer by Ambie0526 at 4:30 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • That's a hard one. If you love your husband (and it seems like you do, just not as intensely as your ex) I wouldn't. Getting back in touch with your ex is just opening up a can of worms. Just be careful, I'm sure you don't want anyone getting hurt, good luck.

    Answer by myree85 at 5:01 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • well of course you want to know how your ex is doing but dont ruin your relationship with your hubby for this man it looks like you have a great man with you right know but if you feel you need to email him then that is up to you but yes dont do it mama but good luck

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 6:17 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • WOW i have been in this same spot for 10 years! i did contact my first love and we chated and caught up and you know what the best part was? he made me realize how wonderful my man is! People grow and change and ian may not be the man you once new. If you need that closer than yes i would do it, but do not do it if you think it would destroy something you have and cherish. I believe we all deserve to be happy and things happen that we cannot control. We can not control our feelings as much as we would like to we cant. You may feel all of those feelings so strongly now and u may feel them if you talk to him, but no matter what, you and only you can decide what would be best for you and all others involved. Dont feel guilty for feeling this way it doesnt make you a bad wife or mother. It is a complicated and heart tearing situation but you have to be reasonable and make a well thought out decision. Good luck keep us posted:)

    Answer by simonsmama2022 at 6:27 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • How would you feel if your husband did this to you?

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 7:56 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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