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Should I "Stay" or Should I "Go"? adult content

I have been with my husband for four years and married for one. I am currently pregnant.I'm happy to be pregnant but also unhappy.I have four kids that aren't my husband's from previous relationships.Well the problem is I feel very rejected by him,unwanted,and my self esteem is getting very low.He's never hit me,becaue of course I would Knock his ass the fk out.Point blank.He don't hold me,hug me,kiss me,sex me,tell me he loves me,or even look at me he really doesn't even pay me any attention UNLESS I talk about "walking out the door".Or talking to him about" a guy who once made me feel loved and encouraged that everytime we seen each other".Now the other problem is I have bad health conditions with my heart and I'm pregnant with his first child.So if I leave I have no where to go but shelters.Also his family will fight me for custody on this baby.I can't continue this trip of hurt with this man.He don't know how to love ,but I don't know how to be loved because my life up until four years ago was abusive.What do I do.I feel like my only way out is not happiness.If I leave now I'm leaving to nothing and they will come take my baby! If I stay and end up leaving after the baby is born I will still lose the baby.Either way I go I LOSE! SO WHAT SHOULD I DO "STAY" or "GO"?

Answer Question
 
Hugeat8wks

Asked by Hugeat8wks at 8:29 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (414 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • All I can say is follow your heart.
    Noosa

    Answer by Noosa at 8:30 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • My heart wants to leave ,but where do I go??
    Hugeat8wks

    Comment by Hugeat8wks (original poster) at 8:32 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Okay, first of all, they can't take the baby unless they somehow prove that you are an unfit mother. I don't think that leaving is the answer though. I think your husband may be depressed. you need to talk with him about this because he might be missing something in the relationship too.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 8:33 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • My husband watches me cry myself to sleep most nights and doesn't care how I feel.We've talked many times about him making my feel like he does and still 4 yrs later no change.He won't change.He don't care.
    Hugeat8wks

    Comment by Hugeat8wks (original poster) at 8:35 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • If you have to go to a shelter then go there. It's not ideal but if your not happy you need to get out of that situation. The shelter can put you in touch with help, low income housing, jobs, government assistance. There's no need to stay in a relationship that's making you so unhappy, there is always a way out. Good luck.
    myree85

    Answer by myree85 at 8:52 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I am firm believer on working out you marriage, but if there is nothing to work with and he is not willing that can be hard. Have you tried counseling? Do you have any family? You could try leaving for a couple weeks to give him a tast of what will happen if it continues. I do want to say, whatever you do, they have to prove you unfit and incapable of taking care of your baby if you did decide to leave. Most judges vote for the child to stay with the mother. message me if you would like to talk about this further. I will give you my best advice :)
    amber1330

    Answer by amber1330 at 8:54 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Yes I'm very unhappy. I feel like he feels obligated to my being here.That's because I moved here to be with him and he supposively was happy to accept me but hadn't shut out his other relationships with other females he had before me.
    Hugeat8wks

    Comment by Hugeat8wks (original poster) at 8:58 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Maybe he doesn't know what to do! I think y'all need to go and get help. Y'all are probably just having a communication problem. He is not depressed is he?
    1911

    Answer by 1911 at 9:21 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • okay first of all, if my SO was threatening to leave me or talking about other women- i wouldn't want to touch, looke at, or be around him. so i'd be careful about saying things like that- it might hurt more than you realize. if you're unhappy with his affection- then you guys should sit down and try to talk it out. don't sit there and say "you don't do this and you don't do that", but go at it by telling him how you FEEL, like "it hurts me when i don't recieve affection, i feel undesired" or however you feel. he may respond differently if it's not accusingly. also, he may be going through a whirlwind with you being pregnant, and maybe like most men he's scared and unsure of how to be supportive- so he shuts down. i'm not excusing his behavior, i do feel for you- but there's several angles to this situation. also, i can relate somewhat- after i left my abusive relationship and was finally in a healthy one, it was hard to
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 9:22 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • (con't) hard to adjust- i kept wanting to leave b/c i felt like i had trapped him by having his child and that he didn't REALLY want to be with me. i couldn't accept the fact that we're just diffferent in some ways and that he's really an amazing guy- but leaving seemed like a better option than staying and working out our issues. well, i stayed- and now i couldn't be happier. so i wish you the best of luck and just wanted to say it is possible that things can get better- it just takes work on both sides. maybe marital counseling would work? good luck with whatever you do, but take a deep breath and think about what you really want to do for yourself.
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 9:24 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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