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What could I have done about my step children showing up at Christmas dinner without an invite

 My husband and I were going to my sisters for a formal sit down Christmas dinner and all of a sudden his daughter and his son-in-law called and said they were on their way to see usMy three grown adult children were already staying with us as was pre-planned and we told my step-daughter that but they chose to come anyway without an invite. They did not stay with us but stayed at a aunt house as we have very little room. I love this girl but I don't know what to think.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (20)
  • AND? Where is the problem?

    In my house family is always welcome. We would have made room for them and rejoiced that they joined us.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 8:46 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • in my family invites are kinda a givin if you are family....someone volunteers to have it at their house then everyone spreads the word and we flock to where ever it may be. why were they not invited?
    sweetestkitten

    Answer by sweetestkitten at 8:47 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I would have said, "Oh my goodness! I cannot believe you just missed us! We are already on our way to a dinner party, and im so sorry that we missed each other. You shouldve called earlier so we could have spent some time together. Would it be alright if we could come visit you tommrow to make up for missing us today?" I know..its making a visit..but you stay on your step childrens good side, you dont get your hubby pissed cuz "you put your sis before his kids, i know you didnt but thats how some men think" and you can get out of looking rude and all that jazz!
    Bobbysgurl

    Answer by Bobbysgurl at 8:48 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Why would you not want your children to have christmas dinner with you?!?! Yes they became your children too when you married thier dad
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 8:53 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • IDK, but sure make you know from here on out with any other holiday, to call all kid and have plans made or let plans be known.
    2BlondeBabies

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 8:54 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I pretty much agree with the above! I'd have called my sister and said we have a couple extra, although I think it would have been okay to say "we're on our way to my sister's for dinner can we see you tomorrow....to be honest, they're his kids, you should have already had Christmas plans with them.

    On the other hand....my son's girlfriend invited her brother and nieces to my house at the last minute this Christmas, and we just made room for them. I want them all to feel welcome.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:02 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • ummm...i was raised to see everyone as familiy, not just blood relatives...i think its unnacceptable that you dont consider them your own children as well since you married their father...my SO and i are not even married and he considers my older son from a previous relationship as he would his own son....he would NEVER think of not inviting him to his family functions, even if he was grown.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 9:27 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • What could you have done?? Pulled up two more chairs and made them feel welcome. I have never been to a family dinner where there wasn't more than enough food to go around. You should start refering to them as your daughter and son-in-law and try to take a more positive outlook on it. You married their father and holiday's are about family, after all.
    khedy

    Answer by khedy at 9:32 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • i guess you wanted to no why and i gather you them don't get along
    i also gather his daughter has made your life living hell
    you can move on or you can get pissed i would move on
    you new when you married your hubby he had family so you need find a way to work it out
    because he will chose her over you in the long run you need to work it out
    you might just love her as much as her father does
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 11:07 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I'm sure there is more to the story than they just called and said they were on their way. From the feel of it there is probably some negative history to this to be sure. Since the step daughter is married I am going to assume she is an adult and adults REGARDLESS of familial status don't just SHOW UP on a holiday like Christmas without some sort of discussion. My thoughts are that this woman/step daughter is a rude and presumptive brat who assumed you would all be waiting around for their appearance. What I would have done is to inform the party crashers that you would have to see them some other time.

    On another note, it seems like a lot of the responders have NO clue about what dynamics in a contentious step situation can be like and it isn't as simple as "They are your kids now too" (Yeah, tell a bitter bio mom that one) or "You knew he had kids".

    Hugs to you OP.
    MrsDavid

    Answer by MrsDavid at 11:32 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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