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Does anyone know how to deal with a mean dad?

He is 91 and he is always calling my stepmom names and yelling. He tells her she should move out and he should have never married her. He is mean to me too. lol We think he has dementia but can't get him to go to a doctor. We tried to find a place where others go to deal with it. We haven't found one yet. I am not sure what to do. My stepmom just puts up with it. But she cries a lot. Help please


Asked by Dianakk at 9:13 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 19 (7,890 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • If your step mother is able to put up with it, bless her. You are probably not going to change a 91 year old. You might be able to get a home health nurse to come in. Can you get him to go into the Dr.s for another reason a flu shot or something and perhaps the Dr. can diagnose at that ime.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:16 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Sounds to me like dementia, has he always been mean or is this a new thing? Cuz if he just always that mean, than Bless you all but if he went through this change within the last couple years then it very well could be an age related dementia. If so, well other than support groups and a home health nurse thats really it unless you can agree for him to go to a doctor. I would also see if you can go to a local hospital, doctor office, or nursing home to see if you can pick up materials about dementia. Its a very hard road, i have a grandfather with alzehiemers and im a certfied nursing assistant who has worked with dementia and alzehimers and the only other thing i can say is redirect him, offer support for your stepmom, take her out to lunch, listen to her and try to get her involved in some activites to get her mind off of it and to be around others who dont put her down.

    Answer by Bobbysgurl at 9:26 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • well, you have to find the right employees. Some are very fake, and some actually have a heart. You just have to search. Good luck!

    Answer by Bobbysgurl at 9:51 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Step mom is director of her church. She is very religious and a little tiny quiet woman. I on the other hand, can walk away and go home. Dad has always been mean. He is getting a lot meaner now. I appreciate all the answers. I would never ever put him in a nursing home. I have worked at nursing homes and see how fake the employees act to the family's and how they really treat the patients. My mom was in one for rehab and she swore she wants us to shoot her before we would put her in one. Of course we wouldn't lol He won't go to the doc or hospital at all. Good suggestion about picking up info at the dr office or hospital. thanks all of you

    Comment by Dianakk (original poster) at 9:43 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Is there a senior club in your area if its a health club they might have a social worker in there or maybe a nurse. Hopefully you can get him to go with you under the pretense he could do some exercises or play cards with a few male friends. You could probably slip away and talk to the" nurse or social worker and maybe they will have some suggestions. Doesn't he have to see a doctor for a check up during the year. That's when I would ask to speak to the doctor privately.


    Answer by Linda702 at 12:56 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Nursing home
    residential care apartment
    elderly in home health care
    get yourself or your mom (step) to get ''power of attorney'', if he's 91 it should be very easy to prove dementia, and harrassment ( because of the dementia )

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Jan. 20, 2011