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FIL issue

the day that i gave birth (csection 5 weeks early to twins in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). If we got sick we wouldn't have been allowed to visit our children, for fear of infecting them or the other babies in the unit. my FIL brought 2 of his grandchildren to visit me. Well, this is against hospital policy and he still brought them. They are school age (so all those germs they are exposed to). Well, i said that kids weren't allowed to visit, he got ticked off and walked out. He didn't visit the hospital again and took about 2 weeks once we were home to visit. When he got to our house he took my husband outside and yelled at him on my front porch about how rude i was and that i made the granddaughter cry all the way home.
cont.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Nov. 13, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Maybe it was more how you said it than what you said. It usually is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • cont.
    Fast forward 2 1/2 yrs and he has seen the kids maybe 5 times, can't tell them apart (blond/blue, brown/brown, boy, girl). He still thinks that i was in the wrong. He wouldn't even come to their birthday party because he is still that ticked at me. Did i over react???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • No, you didn't overreact. It was against hospital rules, and you were protecting your children. He needs to grow up and let it go.
    sunshineemommy

    Answer by sunshineemommy at 5:42 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I don't think you were wrong as long as you explained why they couldn't come in and see you and the babies. It was for the babies health! You are just being a good parent and they should have understood. They also should have gotten over it by now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:44 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • He'll get over it....Move on.....Enjoy your new little ones and don't allow him to steal your joy. That will really piss him off.
    makalahlove

    Answer by makalahlove at 6:31 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Your husband needs to put some pants on sister. I am teeling you this from experiance.

    But here is what you can do , calmly, rationaly write out a letter to him explaining why it was that they could not have been there and why you reacted how you did (maybe you were emotional...which is completely understandible).

    Say that you are sorry for how he took it and that it hurt the kids (grandaughter who ccried all the way home because he was a stubborn old man that over reacted and made things worst on every one...BUT DONT SAY THAT PART>>>LOL) and that you wish he was more involved in the kids lives.
    Happ-eToBme

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 6:54 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • cont...


    He is the only paternal grandafther they have and that you are sorry that over a misunderstanding and over reaction ON EVERYONES BEHALF (since he thinks you over reacted and clearly he was the one that did) that the kids will miss out on knowing him.

    But maybe most importantly this situation maybe or could cause the cousins to not be as close as they can be.

    And if I were you I'd appoligieze to the little girl and exaplain to her what happened because she's just a kid and was excited to see her baby cousins it's not her fault her granfather is a jerk. lol

    hugs and good luck
    Happ-eToBme

    Answer by Happ-eToBme at 6:54 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • well, actually this little girl is a scary child. she gives the kids dirty mean looks when she thinks no one is watching and then acts overly nice when she says i want to hold them. i am afraid that she's gonna hurt them.
    and the drive from the hospital to home is only about 5 miles (so it wasn't really that long for her to be upset)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • It sounds like you don't really want a relationship with FIL, you just want to be right. You don't want a relationship with the other kids in the family, only to justify how you already feel about them, and that they must all be horrible terrible people who don't like you and who would deliberately hurt your kids. Kids give nasty looks. It's called being a kid. You don't seem to have much compassion for anyone in the situation besides yourself, so in return you really can't expect much. You've for the most part called the other kids in the family nasty germy little degenerates who's feelings you wouldn't give a second thought to - except at events where they should be paying homage to your darlings. Call me harsh, but I wouldn't be going out of my way to visit either.
    Kestrel1

    Answer by Kestrel1 at 8:20 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • No i called one little girl that i used to adore a brat. I have seen that little girl give that look to the dog that she demanded she get right before she did something mean to it.
    I was genuinely concerned for my kids health while in the hospital.
    I love and adore the rest of my nieces and nephews (the other 13 of them) including the little sister of the 2 i mentioned.
    I will admit my FIL is not my favorite person in the world, but i would have liked for him to be at least a known family member to my kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

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